Confessions of a Grad Student
by A-Little-Bit-Of-Awesomeness
Summary: When Alex Jensen starts a new job working for an accomplished physicist, she doesn't expect it to be quite so bittersweet. Along the way, she meets her new 'quirky' employer, perverts are met, friendships are threatened and the job is a bit different to what she applied for. Also, a certain bespectacled physicist unwillingly turns her life upside down. What's a grad student to do?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I'm going on holiday tomorrow which means that I won't be able to upload any more chapters, but I will keep writing this. My next chapter for this story will probably be uploaded in about a week. I was going to upload this chapter then, but I couldn't wait to see what everyone thinks of this story!**

**This is all in Alex's perspective. Leonard and some of the other canon characters will be introduced in the next few chapters and there will be a tiny, tiny bit of Lenny, but only a hint later on. I hope you enjoy this story and remember, reviews are hugely appreciated!**

The moment I heard that Dr Cooper needed a research assistant, I knew that I should snap up the opportunity. It seemed perfect; I had been hearing so much about how talented and intelligent he is, he is in the same field as I am and it will be so interesting to work with a genius such as him. On the other hand, I also keep hearing so many rumours about his idiosyncrasies and how 'quirky' he apparently is. Despite all this, I can't stop thinking about his IQ and I can't turn away from an opportunity to read some of his research and journals, even if they were from his childhood.

Only half an hour after I discovered that the new position even existed, (and I only waited because it would be my lunch hour by then), I was knocking on the door of Dr Cooper's office. The receptionist had explained where to find him and told me to 'beware- he's as sane as a pelican in a turtle neck', whatever that means. I laughed and took no notice. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I'm desperate to make a good impression, so I knock twice, sharper than I usually would.

"If that's Mr Buttercup of Buttercup bakery, no I certainly will not withdraw my strongly worded letter of complaint. The jelly to dough to sugar ratio of the jelly doughnuts purchased on September 12th was undoubtedly the worst edible ratio that I have had the misfortune to experience since the meat to bread ratio of the hamburgers from Big Boy," a male voice calls from inside the office. I immediately recognise that his thick accent is from Texas. I won't lie; I was more than a little taken aback but I pull myself together and call back to him.

"I can promise I'm not a representative of Buttercup bakery, there's nothing worse than an ill-thought out edible ratio," I laugh, trying to make as much of a positive impression as possible. "May I come in?"

"You may," he allows simply. I push the door open to see a tall dark-haired man frowning at a whiteboard covered in equations. He looks around thirty and he somehow reminds me of a praying mantis. He is wearing two shirts; a green lantern t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt which would have struck me as a little odd, but having lived with my roommate Becky for two years I doubt that any unusual dress sense would surprise me. "Have a seat." We sit down either side of his desk and our blue eyes meet, making me even more nervous.

"Dr Cooper, I heard that you need a research assistant. Is the position still available?"

"Unfortunately so. You know, I find it completely bemusing that my roommate declined the chance to work with me although he is only an experimental physicist and my neighbour would be even more useless." Dr Cooper leans in as though he is about to tell a secret. "I doubt that she would even be able tell the difference between Albert Einstein's general relativity and special relativity!"

"She sounds completely unsuitable. I honestly have no idea how your roommate turned down this opportunity; I cannot think of someone I would rather work with than you," I respond, sitting up straight. I watch the realisation on his face as he comprehends why I'm in his office.

"I gather that you are interested in working _for_ me, not with me, Mrs...?"

"Miss actually, Miss Jensen but you can call me Alex," I smile. I probably should have introduced myself as we sat down, but nerves got the better of me.

"You can call me Dr Cooper, not Sheldon as only those lucky enough to be my friends, family and close acquaintances have the privilege of referring to me as that. And certainly not Moonpie; only Meemaw calls me Moonpie."

"Dr Cooper it is!" I pause, trying to work out how I should move this forward. Dr Cooper seems to be distracted by some birds outside his window and the last thing I want is to have had this conversation with the bakery and Moonpie for nothing. "How should proceed? I assure you that I am very interested in this position."

"Very well. Come back for a formal interview tomorrow at 1:30pm and you may be in with a chance of being my research assistant," he orders as though getting the job was as unlikely as winning the lottery and just as exciting.

"That sounds wonderful," I accept as I begin to walk towards the door. "Thank you for your time, Dr Cooper."

"Goodbye, Alex, and if there's an apocalypse good luck!"

I pull the door closed behind me and start the short walk to the cafeteria. Unfortunately, it seems like Dr Cooper is just as 'quirky' as everyone has been saying. I realise now that I should have told him more about myself and asked for more details about the job that I was applying for. But I guess that he'll explain things like working hours and schedules at the actual interview tomorrow. Crazy or not, he will still be an amazing person to work for.

* * *

All through that day, I was so excited about the prospect of being a research assistant to a world-renowned theoretical physicist. I knew that I only had an interview and that Dr Cooper was not going to be easy to impress but I was still grinning when I was cooking dinner that night. Two of our friends were coming round to me and Becky's apartment that evening, so I was cooking for the four of us. This wasn't unusual, we often held dinner parties, but it was my turn to cook and I was following a new recipe for the main course that none of us had tried to cook before. I was reading through the next step of the soup recipe from the book propped up when my roommate, Nadia and Molly came into the apartment.

"Hey Alex! Sorry we're late, the traffic was terrible," Molly greets, kicking off her navy blue pumps.

"Hi everyone! I hope you're all hungry, there's a raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake chilling in the fridge for later and I'm making some chicken noodle soup as we speak," I grin and turn to Becky as she swans into the kitchen. Having known her since I moved to California, I'm not vaguely surprised at her outfit; a bright floral dress, a yellow cardigan with green polka dots and striped purple and green high heels. Her ginger hair is seriously clashing with the fuchsia bow that's at the top of her high ponytail.

"Ooh, sounds delicious! Can I have a peek at the soup?"

"Sure, it's simmering away in that pot there." I point over to the top of the oven. "It will be ready soon, in about ten minutes. I..." I start cheerfully.

"Alex, what colour is this soup meant to be?"

I hurry across to the oven and I stare down into the noodle soup. It's _blue_. A bright, vibrant _blue_. Becky can't seem to stop laughing at my blue soup and shocked expression.

"Oh my God! I must have left the blue string around the chicken," I laugh. I'm in such a good mood that it doesn't bother me that I have taken ages cooking and it now looks absolutely revolting; blue gloop with vague lumps floating unappetisingly on the surface.

Later that evening, we were having dinner and I can't say that the chicken noodle soup was a major success.

"I have to say Alex, this really is a culinary masterpiece," Molly smirks sarcastically, looking down into her bowl.

"It's a little unconventional, but that's not necessarily a bad thing," Nadia comments tactfully.

We burst into fits of giggles again. Once we calm down a bit, I decide to tell everyone about my interview tomorrow. I was planning to save it until after the interview to tell them so that there's not too much pressure, but I really can't keep it to myself for any longer. I hadn't told anyone in my classes because I'm hoping that I'll be one of the only applicants and I'm desperate for this job.

"Guys, I have a little announcement to make," I beam as everyone turns to look at me. "You know Dr Cooper, the theoretical physicist?"

"Sure, the totally weird guy that did the physics lecture Becky and I went to a couple of months ago?"

"Yeah, that's him. Today I found out that he is looking for a research assistant to help him uncover any discoveries that he has already made in his childhood science journals and projects, so I went to his office and put myself forward," I explain. Three surprised faces smile at me, surprised in a good way.

"How did it go?"

"Pretty well, I think. I'm having a formal interview tomorrow!" I announce excitedly, my smile wider than ever.

"Alex, that's awesome! It sounds like an amazing opportunity," Becky exclaims, giving me one of her trademark slightly too tight hugs.

"Imagine working with someone that successful! Wasn't he the one who went to college when he was, like, eleven?"

"Yeah, that's him. But I can't promise that I'll definitely get this job; I get the feeling that Dr Cooper is going to be _very_ hard to please," I say. If I don't get the job, I'll already be so disappointed in myself that letting my friends down as well would just be unbearable.

"Oh come on, you're smart and a real perfectionist, I'm sure Dr Cooper will employ you as soon as he can," Becky comforts. Before I can thank her, Molly, who has been pretty quiet for the last few minutes, pipes up.

"Everyone at Caltech knows that he's completely out of his mind. Are you sure you want to work with a total nutcase?" Molly asks, frowning. I stare at her in shock. Surely she can see how much this means to me? I want to respond, but she continues. "I know you're excited and everything, but I just don't want you to be let down when you start work and he's impossible to work for."

"Dr Cooper is a brilliant man," I begin defensively.

"I don't dispute that. Once you get to know him a little better, you'll understand," Molly counters, showing no sign of changing her mind.

"Oh, I'm sorry I thought you have only met Dr Cooper once, just as many times as I have, but obviously you know him far better than..."

"Anyone for cheesecake?" Becky asks, desperate to change the subject. I take a deep breath and try to relax.

"Good idea, Becky. I sure hope the cheesecake turns out better than the soup!" I say over-enthusiastically to break the metaphorical ice that is forming over our apartment. I collect up the bowls and hurry into our kitchen. The dining area and living area are merged together, but we have a separate kitchen. Maybe Molly is right, he did seem more than a little odd. Also, I did approach him about the job on impulse... should I have considered it more first? Working for him would mean that I will have to turn down Fermilab, which I haven't really considered declining until now. But then, to work for such an accomplished theoretical physicist would be such an honour. Besides, there's no turning back now...


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: The rating for this has now been changed to a T because of parts of the next few chapters. It is only a soft T, but I wanted to make sure that people are aware of the content.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, including the Sound Of Music.**

I barely slept last night with the mixture of excitement and nerves that I can still feel brewing in my stomach. A few weeks ago I had felt the same about my job application that has already been accepted at Fermilab. That would also have been an amazing opportunity, but without a doubt working so closely with Dr Cooper (often in his office!) will be even better. I know I can turn down Fermilab. It won't be easy, but I can do it. Anyway, today it's only the morning of my formal interview so I can't get ahead of myself.

I'm spending ages deciding (or at least _trying to_) what to wear for the interview. I have a feeling that my new possible employer isn't really the type of person to notice too much what people are wearing, however I'm not taking any chances. Today is a big day and I'm not going to be let down by a slightly too casual pair of worn white jeans. I'm ready to take far longer than I usually do getting dressed. Taking a deep breath, I start by trying on a red short-sleeved blouse and a black skirt, then a white blouse with little navy blue flowers and a burgundy skirt. Neither of them seems quite right for today, so I proceed to change into almost every top, skirt, pair of trousers and blazer that I own. None of them particularly catch my eye.

For some bizarre reason, I become a bit desperate and test out the olive green bridesmaid dress I am going to wear at my Auntie Alison's wedding next weekend, then my graduation cap and gown, although at least that would prove that I do have qualifications! Everything I try on is too informal, too over the top or just not suitable (see graduation and wedding outfits). Finally, I decide that my original outfit; the red short-sleeved blouse, black skirt and dark brown high heels, is the best. I quickly get dressed and briskly walk into our kitchen. I have taken far longer than I had anticipated and I don't have much time left before I have to get to Caltech. Becky is already in our kitchen, stirring milk into her black coffee.

"Morning, Alex. Did you sleep well?" Becky asks brightly. I can tell that she is acting a bit happier than she usually would this time of day (she's really not a morning person), probably because she can tell that I have worried all night. She reads me like a book, so I know there's no point lying.

"Not too well, I was worrying about my interview today," I admit, popping a slice of wholemeal bread into the toaster.

"That's only natural, I know how much this job means to you," she agrees as I pour myself a glass of orange juice.

"I'm glad you and Nadia do; Molly last night just didn't seem to understand. She wanted me to think twice about even applying for what could be the most important job I'll ever have," I say, irritation creeping into my voice.

"Don't be too hard on her, Alex, Molly's just trying to look out for you," Becky counters. "It's human nature to protect those close to them, even if they feel like they don't need any protection." At times like this, it's useful living with a psychology doctoral student.

"I guess so. What do you think of this outfit, do I look like a possible future research assistant that you can rely on to do any task to the best of her ability?"

"You look pretty smart. Are you going to do anything else with your hair?" She asks.

"Oh my God! I was going to straighten it but I barely have enough time to have breakfast and brush my teeth before I have to leave," I practically cry. My piece of toast pops up in the toaster and I hurriedly spread Nutella on it.

"Whoa, calm down! Here's what we're going to do; while you finish your breakfast and brush your teeth, I'll go and get your hair straighteners and put them in your bag. Whenever you have time, if you have a break between classes or at the start of your lunch hour, just straighten your hair then. I'm sure somewhere you'll be able to plug them in a socket," Becky explains decisively.

"Okay, that sounds good," I agree as she leaves the kitchen, presumably to find my hair straighteners.

After hurriedly finishing my breakfast and brushing my teeth, I am just leaving my apartment with my brown leather satchel-style bag when Becky hurries after me.

"Alex, good luck for your interview! Let me give you a little tip: if things aren't going brilliantly or you just want to push the interview that bit further forward, use lots of flattery," she suggests, her tone becoming more serious.

"Really? Do you think that would work with such an academic job?"

"Definitely. When I was having my interview for my psychology research assistant job, I felt like the interview was going well, but I just couldn't see them taking the next step and employing me. A couple of well-placed complements later, they were shaking my hand and asking me to start on the following Monday," she admits.

"I'll bear that in mind. See you later," I call and I leave the apartment, deep in thought. I had no idea that Becky had used flattery to get the job; I thought that she had just shown them her CV and she seemed like the right person, I suppose. Using flattery to get what you want is not something I'm used to doing and I don't know how I feel about it, morally I mean. Is it being a bit manipulative, or is it just showing how much you would like whatever you are trying to get? Maybe it depends on whether you are complementing them because you mean what you are saying or flattering them for no other reason than that you want them to give you something, in my case the job.

On the other hand, this job means too much to me for me to lose. If I have to resort to using flattery, I will.

* * *

It's the start of my lunch break, quarter past one, and I only have fifteen minutes before my formal interview with Dr Cooper. So far, I can't find anywhere that I can plug my hair straighteners into and do my hair. The middle of the cafeteria and corridors are all too obvious and I don't want Dr Cooper to walk past me doing my hair for the interview. I don't want to have him thinking that I'm trying too hard.

As a last resort, I decide to try to see if anyone will let me sort my hair out in their office. That way, I can straighten it and brush it out in peace without everyone walking past. I am already in the physics department, so I knock on the nearest office door.

"Ugh, Some people are twying to wowk on some eqwations hewe. Fine, come in if you weawy have to," a male voice calls. I push the door open and step inside to see a man who looks like he's in his mid-late thirties with black hair and blue eyes sitting behind a desk opposite the door. Like he said, he seems to be working on a set of equations and I assume that he has some sort of speech impediment which means that he cannot say 'R's or 'L's.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you..." I start. I see the plaque on his desk which states that he is Dr Barry Kripke and I decide to call him Dr Kripke as this is more polite. "... oh, shall I call you Dr Kripke or..."

"You can cawl me whatever you want," Dr Kripke smirks creepily. I immediately feel uncomfortable as he seems to be looking at my chest, but ignoring my face.

"Okay, Dr Kripke it is! I was just wondering if I could plug my hair straighteners in here? It's just that I have a formal job interview here in the physics department in about thirteen minutes and I want to make sure I look my best for it," I explain, glancing at my watch. I want to be as quick as possible because I can't risk any tardiness on a day like today.

"Suwe, go ahead. The socket is wight down there, take as much time as you need," he allows and points to a socket by the side of his desk.

"Thank you so much, I was beginning to run out of options. Don't worry, I won't disturb you too much," I respond thankfully. I pull the hair straighteners into the socket and untangle the wire. I expected Dr Kripke to continue with his work, but instead he stares at me with a perverted sort of smile. Trying to ignore him, I kneel down self-consciously beside the socket and brush some small knots out of my long hair, before starting to straighten it. I wish I had brought my extension lead, so I could sit down or stand like any normal person but this morning I was in too much of a rush to consider that.

"You know, if you weawwy wanted to wook your best, you could get changed into some mowe fowmal cwothes hewe and I wouldn't mind shutting the bwinds for some pwivacy if you wanted," Dr Kripke offers bluntly, his blue eyes glinting at me. I freeze. Could he possibly be any blunter? I feel so offended and furious that he could think that I was the type of person that would just- in fact, I don't even want to think about it. I am speechless, but I manage to finish doing my hair, avoid eye contact and respond.

"That won't be necessary Dr Kripke and quite frankly, I am outraged that you could think I would just strip off in front of you after only having met you less than five minutes ago. Good day," I snap indignantly. I shove my straighteners and hairbrush back into my satchel and make my way towards the door.

"Wait, you can't go yet! How am I meant to ask anyone fow youw number if I don't even know youw name?" He calls after me. I take a deep breath, my hand on the door handle and glance back at him, acting friendly.

"Oh sure, what was I thinking?" I start calmly and then I shout. "I'm Miss Not-In-A-Million-Years!"

Shutting the door firmly behind me, I attempt to compose myself. Trust me, out of all the nice friendly scientists whose door I could have knocked on, I chose to knock on door of the resident pervert. I'm not sure if he could have been any creeper if he tried. I feel like I should inform human resources, but I decide to wait until at least after the interview before doing so. The interview! With all the complications with Dr Kripke, it slipped my mind that I have a formal interview with Dr Cooper!

I only have around two minutes or so before the interview is scheduled to start. I take the short walk to Dr Cooper's office and stand outside the door for a moment as I'm sure it will impress him if I am precisely on time. I wish I had had more time to do my hair properly, but it is naturally quite straight so I'm sure it'll be fine. Apprehensively and still shaken from my meeting with Dr Kripke, I smooth my black skirt down and check myself my appearance in my compact mirror. When it is exactly one-thirty pm, I knock firmly on the door.

* * *

I'm partway through the interview and I have no idea how it's going except that it's neither going horrifically or brilliantly. Apart from that, I'm just confused. The interview begun fine, with Dr Cooper acting friendly in his own odd way and once I sat down he offered me a choice from a list of refreshments: water, coffee, tea and a Marijuana cigarette. For the second time that day, I just froze; what was I meant to say to that? I declined as calmly as I could, without focussing too much on the Marijuana cigarette. However, he continued to concentrate on the drugs and I quickly realised that he was just testing me. I explained quickly and truthfully that I don't do drugs. Fortunately, he revealed that it was just a ruse like I had suspected. Also, he added that coffee would also have been an unacceptable answer, but fortunately I don't really drink coffee apart from the occasional milky latte.

Next, Dr Cooper looked through the papers on his desk and read them aloud to me. Compared to the beginning of the interview, he went through some very standard information for an interview, for example that I come from Des Moines in Iowa and that I studied at Stanford University before moving to California. Normal that is, until he asked me about a persistent ear infection that I had two years ago. How did he know about that? I asked him how he knew about it and he explained that he had completed a comprehensive background check on me including medical records, credit reports and criminal history. I was a bit taken aback, but I suppose that he just wanted to see if I was a suitable candidate for the job. After that, Dr Cooper hid behind the folder containing my documents and asked me if I had paid off my parking tickets. I answered that I did and he acknowledged that my hearing is unimpaired, which is presumably why he held the folder in front of him to muffle his speech slightly. He put the folder down and wrote something down, glancing up at me.

That brings up right up to now. He is still writing and the office has fallen into an unusual, yet strangely comfortable silence. I remember what Becky told me this morning about how to move the interview forward; flattery. I sit up straight and put the flattery plan into action.

"Look, Dr Cooper I really want this position. It would be an incredible honour to work for a man of your brilliance," I press. I know that the flattery was very thinly veiled if at all, but it's the best I can come up with right now. I hope he won't see it as me being manipulative.

"Flattery will not get you this job, Miss Jensen," Dr Cooper responds seriously. I immediately regret the flattery, why did I do it? I can't believe Becky suggested it and that I used it. I feel myself sink a little and I just want to go and hide under my striped duvet. In a way I can't believe he picked up on it as he seems so socially inept. That's it! He doesn't seem to understand most social things, so I could use that to my advantage! But just this once, as it is an emergency.

"It's not flattery if it's the truth," I counter, making my voice sound as confident as I can despite my nerves. I hold my eye contact with him and just when I think it hasn't worked, he smiles.

"Oh. Well thank you, welcome aboard!"

Dr Cooper beams at me and closes the folder. I feel elated and I can't believe that I have the job! He's not offended by the fact that I tried to manipulate him, in fact he doesn't even know. I am now a research assistant to an accomplished theoretical physicist!

"You can start right away. The various boxes I'm sure you have observed peppered around this room contain my precious science journals from my childhood in which I have possibly come across an idea which will lead towards my Nobel Prize. They all need to be read through thoroughly. My time is too valuble to waste doing such a menial job, however your time is comparably as useless as a handle on a snowball which is why I have employed you," Dr Cooper declares as we stand up and he opens one of the boxes of science journals. He glances at his watch and does a double take. "Oh my, it seems like with all the excitement of having a new employee I have turned into a hippy."

"I'm sorry?"

"I appear to have ignored my bathroom schedule. Please start reading my journals from the very beginning while I go and enforce my bathroom schedule," he says, walking towards the door.

"Start at the very beginning, a very good place to start," I laugh in a sing-song voice. I regret it as he turns and stares at me confusedly. "It's just a reference to the Sound Of Music. Maria sings that when she is teaching the Captain's children about singing..."

"I don't like that, don't do that," Dr Cooper frowns childishly. I nod at him to show that I won't do it again and he leaves the office.

I'm guessing that apart from the fifteen minutes before my interview, I won't have a break for lunch, at least not today. I don't want to push it, especially not on my first day working for Dr Cooper but I'm really hungry. I wish that I had brought some sandwiches or something with me in my satchel so that I could have eaten something while he's out of the room. I take the opportunity to take a look around his office. There are a variety of books on his bookshelves, including some by Stephen Hawking. There is a little Albert Einstein bobblehead on his desk. In awe, I admire the whiteboards covered in equations, formulae, graphs and his workings out. I feel like a kid in a sweet shop as I read his neat handwriting. I hear some footsteps down the corridor and I immediately pick up the science journal I'm meant to be reading.

"I hope that you are not finding that particular science journal too difficult to read," Dr Cooper says as he comes back into his office. "If you are, that's a problem as I wrote it all when I was only five years old."

"It's complicated, but I understand everything fine so far. I can't believe you were so young when you wrote all this, it's incredibly detailed and the sort of thing I would have written when I was sixteen, not five," I gasp. He grins at me goofily like he's a toddler being praised for taking his first few steps.

"I know," he agrees smugly. I know that his smugness is justified, but there's something about the way he is smiling so self-assuredly at me that I don't like. "I suggest that you take these science journals home so that you can look at them during your own time. It will be difficult to schedule hours for you to work in between your classes, but how about from Monday-Friday you work for me from 9am to 4pm? You may leave to go to your classes and lectures of course, which will probably take up a few hours of each working day but come here whenever you can or work for me but in your own office."

"That would be excellent, apart from the office part. I don't have an office," I admit quietly. He looks up at me in surprise.

"I see. I shall discuss this with head of the physics department Dr Gablehauser and I can assure you that by the end of today you will have an office, albeit a small one that will probably be shared," Dr Cooper assures. I never expected to have my own office, at least not in the foreseeable future. The idea of having an office, even if it is shared, seems amazing and completely out of the blue. I can't wait to tell Becky about all this. "For now, just put some of the boxes in your car so that you can take them home."

"Thank you! That's very kind of you, Dr Cooper," I say cheerfully.

Then, Dr Cooper suggests a salary for me and it is about the estimate that I had imagined. Not brilliant, but working for him is not about the money. It is definitely enough and a fair salary, so I agree.

"Perfect," I agree. In unison, we each turn a page of the science journals that we are holding. The door pushes open and we look up, also in unison.

"Hey Sheldon, hope you're hungry they are serving macaroni and..." a man starts who seems to be one of Dr Cooper's friends. He looks around Dr Cooper's age, but maybe a year or two younger. From both his accent and his looks, I can tell that he's from India. "... Cheese," he rumbles deeply when he sees me. I about to glance at Dr Cooper to see if this is normal with him, but before I can a second man steps into the office.

I take a deep breath and inhale his appearance. Or, that's what it feels like. He is gorgeous; soft, curly brunette hair and dark brown eyes so expressive that I don't have to have a master's degree in psychology like Becky to read his emotions as easily as breathing. His hands are in his pockets and his eyes are framed by a pair of black-rimmed glasses. He is quite short, yet slim. His skin looks creamy and I can imagine that it would be soft to the touch... so soft...

"Smooth," he growls, impersonating the other guy. I chuckle softly as he looks at me properly for the first time. Despite his expressive eyes, I can't tell if he if he is inhaling my appearance like I did with him or just seeing me as a person like anyone else. "Hi," he greets in a warm New Jersey accent, giving me a cute little wave.

"Hello," I reply, returning the cute little wave. Why the hell did I do that? I wish I could undo the wave, which was adorable for him to do but maybe just weird for me repeat back to him. I smile at him as he turns to Dr Cooper.

"Sheldon, aren't you going to introduce us?" As he asks Dr Cooper this, he gestures to himself and then to me. Him and me, me and him...

"No; I have people for that now," Dr Cooper answers sharply. He turns and gestures to me. "You're up!"

"I'm Alex, Dr Cooper's new assistant," I explain as warmly as I can. We shake hands and I was right about his skin being soft. I want to keep holding his hand but that would come over as downright weird, so I let go.

"Ah, congratulations and may God have mercy on your soul," he smiles jokingly. I laugh and his smile is so perfect. I'm so glad that not only is he _very _handsome, but he's funny too. Looks aren't everything. "I'm Leonard and this is Raj."

"It's nice to meet you! I'm so excited to be working with Dr..." I begin rambling. I'm not just excited about the job (although that is really awesome); I can't take my eyes off Leonard and I feel so nervous and tingly. When I'm nervous, I can't help rambling.

"Yeah, please reserve chitchat for your breaks, Miss Jensen. And FYI, there'll be no breaks," Dr Cooper interjects stringently. He sits down behind his desk and I feel like I'm intruding somehow.

"I should probably get to work!" I fake a smile at him and pick up a box of science journals that is heavier than it looks. I wish I hadn't worn my high heels today!

Carrying the cardboard box, I take it through the corridor back to my car. According to Dr Cooper I'll have an office space to use soon, so I'll be able to put them all there but for now, my car will be fine. I have to admit I thought I would be working in Dr Cooper's office, but I suppose it doesn't matter.

After everything that has happened in the last few hours, I'm happy to spend a bit of time on my own, even if it is just walking through the University. There's something about Dr Cooper that tells me he's not going to be a great employer, even if he did give me a fair salary. Maybe it was the way he searched through my medical documents and everything like a stalker, or that I'm not allowed any breaks. I think there's a worker's right/law somewhere about employees having to have a certain amount of break time for a certain amount of hours, which Dr Cooper isn't fulfilling, but I'm happy to work these hours for him. While he's on his lunch break, I'll take mine.

Raj seemed a little strange. Not only the 'cheese' growling thing, but I don't think he said a word the entire time, not to me, Dr Cooper or Leonard. Even if he's shy, surely just 'hi' would have been manageable for him. Oh well.

However, Leonard was somehow different to anyone I had ever met before. I can't put my finger on it, but there was something about him that made me feel nervous in a good way, the sort of tingly, butterflies in stomach feeling. I can't wait to ask Dr Cooper about for some more information about him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thanks for the wonderful reviews! Unfortunately, this chapter will be shorter than the previous one, but the chapter 5 will be a lot longer, I promise. It will take me a lot longer to do, so it will be a little while before I upload it. But for now, I'm working on chapter 4.**

**I know that how Alex celebrates getting the job is a bit OOC, but the whole point is that her life is turned upside down (see summary), so that is intended. However, other than that I have tried my best to keep her as she is.**

**Oh, and just to comment on something that Alex says later in this chapter, yes Leonard is hotter than that guy. To me, anyway.**

Later that day, Dr Cooper is back from his lunch hour and I'm flicking through his old science journals while he gives me more details about my new job.

"As my assistant, you will also need to answer my phone for me, both when I'm here and vice versa," Dr Cooper tells me. "You must only pass the call on to me if it is my mother, Stephen Hawking or me from the future. Otherwise, just ask them to leave a message."

"Wait a second... you from the future?" I question. After everything that my new employer has said to me today, I should be used to be surprised by now but the idea of answering the phone to an older Dr Cooper while the current Dr Cooper is sitting in the same room as me is a disturbing concept.

"Yes. Do you have an issue with this, Miss Jensen? Because if you do..."

"No!" I cry a bit too strongly. "I mean, no I don't."

"Good," he agrees simply. Unblinkingly, he stares in deep concentration at one of his whiteboards. I can only imagine his thought process, what's happening inside that incredible brain of his. A few hours ago, I wouldn't have even considered doing this, but I have to interrupt him his work to ask him some things I haven't been able to stop thinking about, i.e. Leonard. I don't know where to start; there are so many things that I want to know about him, but I also want to be relatively subtle as though I'm just taking a healthy interest in his friends.

"So, how do you know Leonard?" I ask casually, glancing up from the page I'm reading.

"Dr Hofstadter to you. Well, I required a new roommate so I put an advertisement up in the University with many criteria including the fact that I don't accept whistlers and he responded. We have lived together for seven years now," Dr Cooper answers, tearing his gaze off the whiteboard. Somehow, I hadn't considered that they were roommates. I wonder if they hold dinner parties and are as close as Becky and I, but I have more pressing questions to ask.

"Interesting, my roommate Becky and I have lived together for three years now. What does Le- I mean Dr Hofstadter do for a living? I'm assuming he works at the University," I continue. I have a feeling that he works in the science department, but I'm not sure whether he's a biologist, physicist or chemist.

"Dr Hofstadter works here at the Caltech physics department, but..." Dr Cooper starts. I can't help interrupting him, although I would never usually do so. Past me would be shocked, but it doesn't matter.

"Ooh, just like us!" I grin excitedly. Although I would have been fine with other jobs, working in the same department as him means that he will definitely be interested in physics, which is very important to me in a guy.

"Hardly. He's only an _experimental_ physicist," Dr Cooper points out. "Which means that he's on a similar level as the cleaners here." I can't believe that he possibly think that, it's simply ridiculous.

"I couldn't disagree more," I hear myself retort. Dr Cooper gives me a shocked look and I want the ground the swallow me up. Thankfully, at this point there's a knock on the door. He nods at the door as a way of telling me to answer it.

"Hello," I greet, opening the door. "I assume you are after Dr Cooper?"

"Actually, I'm here for his assistant Miss Jensen," the man responds brightly. He seems to be in forties and has dark hair.

"That's me! Come in," I smile. I have no idea who this guy is, but he seems nice. I would offer him a seat, but it's not my office and Dr Cooper is now sitting at his desk, where I would have offered that he could sit.

"Thank you, but there's no need as I'm only popping by. I'm Dr Gablehauser, head of the physics department as I'm sure you're aware," Dr Gablehauser introduces, shaking my hand.

"Pleasure to meet you, Dr Gablehauser!"

"You too, Miss Jensen. I just thought I would let you know that I'm working to find you a suitable office. As you are only an assistant you will have to share an office with someone else. Is that all right with you?"

"Yes, that's fine. Do you have any idea who I'll be with?"

"Not as yet, although I have a few possible candidates. Once I decide on the most suitable, I'll have to call them into my office and discuss this with them. Over the weekend, a spare desk will be found and moved in. If everything goes well, you'll have an office space to use on Monday. When do you start work in the morning?"

"9am," I reply. I feel quite honoured that all this organising is for me.

"At 9am on Monday, come to my office and I'll explain how the situation is progressing," Dr Gablehauser instructs.

"Of course. I'll see you then," I agree. Dr Gablehauser nods and walks away. I close the door behind him and get back to my work. Honestly, I want to keep asking about Leonard but I don't want to pester Dr Cooper any more. I'll try again on Monday.

"You appeared to be asking a lot of questions about Dr Hofstadter, but what about Dr Koothrappali? Or as he was introduced to you, Raj?" Dr Cooper questions.

"Oh yeah, Raj. What is that guy's problem?" I respond.

"Dr Koothrappali is a mystery wrapped in an enigma," he sighs. I can't help feeling embarrassed that he has noticed how interested I am in Leonard. This was not the plan.

* * *

To be honest, I could have texted Becky to tell her that I got the job but I couldn't wait to tell her myself. In fact, I'm in the lift of my apartment building right now and I still can't wait to tell her. With all the complications like Dr Kripke and Dr Cooper's weird ways (take for example the bathroom schedule) my enthusiasm about the job has been a little crushed. As the lift opens, I wonder if I should keep it as a surprise for a bit longer, just to build the tension.

"I got the job!" I shout as soon as I step into my apartment. There's no reply and the apartment stays quiet. "Becky?" I look around every room, but there's no sign of my roommate anywhere. Where is she? Next, I realise that she finishes work later than me now, she usually comes home about five and it's only half past four now. I can't wait to celebrate, but it's kind of hard to celebrate on your own. Until Becky gets home, I decide to bring in some of the boxes of science journals up from my car.

Half an hour passes achingly slowly and I can't stop looking at my watch the entire time. Finally, I hear her push the front door open.

"Hey Alex! How did it all go? I'm dying to hear some good news after the day I've had," Becky greets cheerfully. Usually, I would ask what's happened for such an optimistic person to suggest that she's had an awful day, but I can't wait to tell her about mine.

"I got the job!"

"Oh Alex, that's awesome! I'm so proud of you!" She gives me a too tight hug, but I don't mind at all that my insides are being squeezed. She pulls me down onto the sofa and kicks her spotted kitten heels off so hard that they hit the coffee table. "Come on, tell me all about it."

"I don't know where to start! Well, the interview begun okay, until Dr Cooper basically tried to trick me into taking cannabis. I found out it was actually a test to see if I do drugs, but it really freaked me out!" I exclaim.

"I should think so!" Becky agrees, fiddling with a lock of her ginger hair.

"Anyway, next he went through some pretty standard stuff about where I'm from and my education, which went fine. Then, he started talking about that ear infection I had back ages ago," I explain. I love telling and listening to stories, so I'm in my element now.

"How did he know about that?" She asks, frowning a little.

"That's exactly what I thought! So, it turned out that Dr Cooper had done an extreme background check and I'm talking medical records, criminal history, credit reports..."

"You're kidding! That's so weird," she comments.

"We haven't even touched the weirdness yet, Becky. He hid behind this folder and said 'I trust you paid off those parking tickets?' and gave me a really creepy look," I continue.

"Creepy and weird? Wow!"

"Exactly. After I confirmed that I had paid the tickets off, he noted that my hearing is unimpaired, so I guess he muffled his voice with the folder to check my hearing. I could tell that the interview wasn't really going anywhere, so I put the flattery plan into action," I say. Becky leans in for this part and I can tell that she has been waiting for it. "I told him that I really wanted the position and I literally said 'it would be an incredible honour to work for a man of your brilliance'!"

"Well done! How did Dr Cooper react to it?" She questions, her eyes bright and even more sparkly than usual. I would be so jealous of her if she wasn't my best friend.

"Badly at first. He was all 'flattery will not get you this job', so I got so worried. I thought I had lost the job," I admit.

"Oh my God! What did you do?"

"I told him that it's not flattery if it's the truth," I grin proudly. We giggle mischievously.

"You go girl! You got the job, so I'm guessing he took it well?"

"You could say that. He immediately said 'thank you, welcome aboard' and that was it! Interview over! I started work right away," I finish.

We chat for a while about more serious stuff, about my new salary, work hours and things like the way I get to leave any time for lectures and classes. I tell her about the office space situation and Dr Gablehauser, but leave out the pervert I met while I was straightening my hair before the interview. I don't want to ruin the mood.

I also don't mention Leonard, because I don't know how to put him into words. 'I met a cute guy today' doesn't really cut it when discussing Dr Hofstadter. I want to explain the tingly nerves and the way I breathed him in like the smell of hot chocolate on a wintry night. There's so much I want to express, but I don't know how. Maybe I'll tell Becky later.

"Sorry, I've been going on for ages and you haven't even had a drink yet. Would you like a coffee?" I offer, walking into the kitchen with Becky behind me.

"Actually, I fancy something a little stronger after today," she decides, swiftly pulling a bottle of red wine out of the wine rack. Guiltily, I remember her implying that her day had been awful and I still hadn't let her tell me about it.

"It's a little late, but how was your day?" I ask as she pours some red wine liberally into her glass.

"Well, you know I'm a research assistant for Dr Miller?" She reminds me and I nod. "He was in a right mood all day, ordering me to make cups of tea and stuff rather than aiding his research like normal. He complained about literally everything I did. I was wondering why he was so stressed out until he told me that he is being called into the head of the psychology department's office at five o'clock today," Becky explains irritably, which is out of character for her.

"I'm sure it's just a standard meeting," I comfort, not really sure why she is so upset about him being called into this guy's office.

"In the office on Friday, five o'clock is known as fire o'clock. If he gets fired today, I'll lose my job as well," she sighs sadly. I feel so bad for her. I can't believe all this time I've been boasting about my new job whilst she might be losing hers.

"Becky, I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be, it's not your fault. I think he'll call me about it whatever happens, so I'm keeping my phone on," Becky adds. She takes a long drink of her wine. "Do you know what we should do tonight? We should have a girls' night out, let's go to a club!"

"Really? We rarely do," I say, pointing out the obvious.

"Okay, three reasons why we should go out tonight: A-It's Friday and the end of a long week, B- You just got a new job and C- It'll take my mind off the fact that I might be losing my job," she lists off.

"All valid points, let's do this!" I agree, faking a grin. Going to a club is the perfect way to cheer Becky up, even if it's not my idea of a good time. I can't say I honestly want to go as usually I don't drink much and I know that my friends will at this club, but we rarely go to clubs so I compromise. I don't particularly have anything to wear, but I do have a red dress at the back of my wardrobe that could work.

It's much later that night now and Becky, Nadia, Molly and I are in a nightclub. Now that we're here, I remember why we haven't been for a long time; the noise, the crowds and everyone staring at us. I also remember how to forget about all that.

"Four tequila shots, please," I shout over the sound of the music to the bartender. I feel so conflicted about whether my new job is as good as I expected or not and I can't help worrying about everything that's happened. In addition to that, my friends have been pestering me to drink something stronger than lemonade for the last hour. I have given in, despite never having tried tequila before.

"I'll have the same," Nadia yells. We smile at each other as the bartender pours them all out into eight shot glasses. Stumbling in my leopard print high heels (borrowed from Nadia), we take them back to a little table and climb onto the high stools. A guy walks past with glasses and my mind automatically flicks back to Leonard. I haven't told anyone about him yet and I can't help worrying about it. What if I fall too hard for him and get hurt? What if I tell my friends that I like him and then he finds out somehow? I have to try and forget about him for now; he's unwillingly ruining my night and I'm meant to be celebrating.

"One, two, three, drink!"

Extremely abnormally for me, I have heard those words a few too many times tonight. Now, it's way too many tequila shots later and everything is warm and sort of fuzzy.

"Hey Nadia! I met a cute guy today," I slur. We are on the dance floor and the coloured lights are all blurring together.

"Was he hot?"

"So hot!" I cry, so loudly that a few people stare at me, not that I care.

"Hotter than Ryan Gosling?" Becky giggles. Ryan is her celebrity crush. Leonard is my real crush.

"Definitely!" I answer. I lose my balance in these too tall high heels and stumble backwards, tripping over someone. My head hits whoever I've tripped over and I feel myself falling. Everything goes black.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Because I haven't had a hangover yet, I have tried to get some inspiration from other stories but sorry if it's not very accurate. Just be warned, the end of this chapter will be sadder than the ones to come and so rest of the story will not quite be like this.**

**If you would like more of an idea of what the wedding reception looks like, I was mostly inspired by Marshall and Lily's wedding reception in How I Met Your Mother.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Big Bang Theory (or How I Met Your Mother obviously)**

I'm stirred by the sound of someone bustling around in my bedroom. Yawning, I open one eye and see Becky opening the curtains which makes the room far too bright for my eyes.

"Wake up, party girl!"

For early in the morning, Becky seems far too awake. Usually, I'm up for an hour before she even wakes up. I try to sit up but my head is pounding so I melt back down under the covers again. On my duvet I see a smudged impression of my face in make-up.

"It's too early to be up," I moan, noticing that I'm still wearing my red dress from yesterday.

"Actually, it's eleven thirty in the morning so it's later than you would normally get up. How do you feel now?" Becky asks, sitting down on the end of my bed. I can't believe it is eleven thirty! It feels like the sun has only just risen, or something. I realise that I can barely remember anything from last night, except drinking some shots.

"Becky, what happened last night?"

"Well, after pestering you for ages to drink, you gave in and we did some tequila shots. It was so funny when we did the Gangnam style dance; I had no idea that you were such a confident dancer. Then we drunk some Vodka and you volunteered yourself for karaoke, which you did _very _well. I didn't know that you were a professional entertainer as well as a research assistant," the Californian recounts. She giggles as I groan. This story sounds so unlike me that I would doubt it even happened if it wasn't for my hangover. "After the karaoke, you did have a go at Molly about the whole 'Is Dr Cooper a nightmare employer?' thing and you called her a bitch a few times. You should probably apologise for that; she seemed really upset and burst into tears."

"Oh my God! I made Molly cry?" I shriek, knocking over a glass of water on my beside table that I hadn't noticed yet. Molly is not the sort of person who cries a lot.

"Yeah, but then she had drunk two margaritas and you know what Molly's like with Margaritas. The two just don't mix," Becky adds. I nod at her and notice that she doesn't seem to be half as affected as I am by the events of last night.

"How come you are all right?" I ask bitterly. It's hard not to be bitter when your headache is this bad.

"I'm just more used to it than you," she answers. My head hurts even more and I pull the covers up over my head. "Um Alex, I did wake you up for a reason. I would have just let you sleep it off a bit longer, but well there's something you have to do today. Listen, your Auntie Alison's getting married and you agreed to be one of the bridesmaids."

Auntie Alison's wedding! I completely forgot! It's eleven thirty and the bridesmaids are going to meet and get ready at her house at one o'clock . I have an hour and a half but I haven't had a shower, got dressed or had breakfast yet and I feel absolutely terrible. To be honest, I just want to lie here and wallow in my despair all day.

"Molly's coming with you, if you remember. She was your 'plus one', as I'm going to that mental health symposium. To help with my studies, I mean, I'm not crazy!" Becky giggles, although I'm far from laughing. A few days ago, I would have enjoyed going with Molly but now it's different. Particularly as I had a serious go at her last night, apparently.

"I guess I'll have to get up then," I sigh.

* * *

I'm at Auntie Alison's house now, in my olive green bridesmaids dress. She lives in California too, but the rest of my family had to drive in last night from Des Moines. We had our make-up and hair done, but I'm still adding extra concealer to try in vain to hide the black rings under my eyes and more foundation to make my pale skin be as bright as it naturally is, without the hangover. My hair is up in a high bun with a few little brunette locks tumbling down on either side of my face. Unfortunately, my cousin Brittany has been lecturing me the entire time except when Alison is there.

"Of all the nights you could have spontaneously become a down town party girl, why did you choose the night before Auntie Alison's wedding? You know how much this day means to her, but no, you put yourself first! On the best day of her life!" Brittany continues angrily, handing me my silver necklace.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? I didn't expect to drink so much and I guess I just forgot about the wedding until I woke up with a hangover this morning," I explain, not that Brittany is listening.

"Can I have a picture of you girls together?" My mom asks excitedly, hurrying around with her camera. She seems to have to forgotten that there is a professional photographer for the wedding and has instead taken it as her responsibility to take as many photos as humanly possible.

"Sure," Brittany beams, calming down. Mom takes the photo and rushes off. She's maid of honour at the wedding because Auntie Alison is her sister. Brittany's mom is also Alison's sister, but no one has pointed that out yet.

"Everyone, the limo is outside!" Auntie Alison cries, as the hairdresser curls her long dark hair. She looks stunning in her dress, covered in lace right down to her delicate white high heels. "I'll meet you down there a bit later."

* * *

The wedding ceremony was truly beautiful. Everyone cried, including me which was very impressive as I mostly want to hide in bed all day until my hangover calms down. However, I managed to avoid any disasters such as tripping on the edge of my floor length dress or throwing up during the ceremony (I did once before we drove to Auntie Alison's house).

So far, the wedding reception is just as special. We are currently in this posh hotel's vast function room and I haven't met up with Molly yet, although she is around here somewhere. I'm putting off seeing her for as long as I can, childish I know. Anyway, there is a little orchestra playing and everything is so elegant. I don't feel quite so bad now, but I can barely look at all the alcohol that's being served.

Brittany seems to have forgiven me for coming with a serious hangover and fortunately we have spent most of the day together. We are standing at the side of the room together right now.

"You know, weddings are the perfect place to get a boyfriend," Brittany tells me, sipping her champagne.

"Really?"

"Yeah! Romance is in the air, everyone is thinking about love... it could happen," Brittany explains dreamily. To be honest, I'm still not convinced but I suppose I can see what she is getting at. "I don't know what you think, but I think we have both been single for way too long. Wait, you don't have a boyfriend do you?"

"No, I'm still single," I admit. I know that we only met at work yesterday, but I can't help thinking about Leonard. Maybe one day he'll be more than just 'some guy Alex met at work' to everyone else too.

"The dreamy smile you just smiled suggests otherwise. Come on, let's sit down and you can tell me all about him," she laughs, pulling me to a table by the dance floor. Although I may mentioned Leonard last night, I haven't properly told anyone about him yet and as Brittany is like the sister I never had (not only is she my cousin but we have always been very close although she still lives in Iowa where I grew up), I think that she is a good person to tell.

"Okay, well there's this guy that I met yesterday..." I begin.

"At the club?"

"Let me finish! I met him at work and he is so gorgeous. He's an experimental physicist, with a doctorate and everything, and he was so funny even though we only spoke for a couple of..." I continue excitedly. Brittany seems captivated, maybe because she has never seen me be this enthusiastic about a guy before.

"Brittany, the photographer wants a photo of you and your parents," my mom tells Brittany. Mom seems to now know that there is a photographer here as well as her and her digital camera.

"Sorry Alex, hold the story until later," she apologises, following my mom away.

I don't really mind because Brittany can't help being called away for photos, but I am desperate to chat to someone about Leonard. I sigh and watch the bride and groom dance. The music has slowed right down and they are looking deep into each other's eyes in a way that four year old me would have found 'yucky'. Now, I can't help thinking that that's what I want, not to be with that groom obviously but that kind of love where nothing else around you seems to exist when you are with each other. I want to slow dance with that person in front of all my family and friends in a beautiful white dress because someone loves me just that much. I know this sounds crazier than Dr Cooper, but I think I already know who I want that person to be.

Caught up in the beauty and elegance of it all, I fail to notice Molly approaching until she is right next to me.

"Hi Molly!" I greet brightly as she sits down next to me at the side of the dance floor. She greets me back, but I still feel awkward after last night. Taking a deep breath, I decide to apologise. As annoyed as I am about what she was saying on Thursday, it's definitely not worth losing a friend over. "Listen, I can't remember what exactly happened last night but..."

"Of course you can't; I have never seen you so drunk. One day, one afternoon actually, working for Dr Cooper and you turn to alcoholism," Molly remarks, running her fingers through her blonde hair.

"I was just celebrating getting the job! Come on, you know I wasn't drinking away the pain or anything like that," I counter. Actually, I suppose I was kind of drinking away my feelings about Leonard, but it wasn't just because of that and it certainly wasn't anything do to with the fact that the entire day was weirdly bittersweet. Thinking about it honestly, yesterday was more bitter than sweet.

"Really? Because Becky seemed to think that your interview in particular was awful; your new employer thinks you do drugs, he has a freaky thing against coffee, is completely insane and oh, did I mention that he stalked you? No normal employer overnight checks through your medical, criminal and credit history without telling you first. But after an afternoon of weirdness, you found out that whilst working for this freak all you are going to be paid is..." Molly starts loudly. I am furious.

"How dare you call Dr Cooper a freak? Sure, his ways are unconventional but that doesn't mean that he is crazy!" I snap, standing up sharply.

"Whatever, so you actually want to work for Dr Sheldon Cooper? Can you say wholeheartedly, without a doubt, that this is what you want?" She asks, standing in front of me. More than anything, I want to tell her that yes, this is exactly what I want. But I can't. There's something about his smugness and the way he doesn't let me have any breaks that worries me. I'm okay now, but how will I feel after a couple of weeks? Despite all this, I can't let Molly know that she's winning.

"You are just jealous because I have taken the opportunity of a lifetime while you work at Soup Plantation!" I shout. I know that she is only working there to fund her chemistry studies until she gets her doctorate, but it's all I can come up with right now.

"Break it up girls! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Todd reprimands. I suppose I should think of him as Uncle Todd now that he's married to Auntie Alison. Everyone turns to look at us and I feel like a little girl being told off at school in front of her class.

"Todd, I am so sorry about this..." I begin pleadingly. The orchestra has stopped playing and the atmosphere quickly turns incredibly tense. I feel tears creeping into my blue eyes.

"I don't know what happened; one minute we were fine and the next she was yelling at me," Molly innocently explains to Todd. He turns to look at me and I feel myself shrink so much that in a minute there will just be a pool of olive green silk and a silver necklace left.

"Okay, I'm sorry but I don't want anyone acting like this at my wedding," Todd tells us. He turns to me and orders, "I think you should leave, Alexandra."

"You were smart, sensible Alex a couple of days ago. Who would have thought that your new job would make you go wild at a club, get completely intoxicated and ruin your own Aunt's wedding reception?" Molly questions nastily but trying to sound soft and innocent in front of everyone.

I nod tearfully at Todd and hurry out of the hotel into the cool night air. A few minutes later, I'm trying not to cry too loudly in the back of a taxi as I head back to the apartment. I can't believe what I've done, what Molly has done. Smudging my mascara, tears flow freely down my face. I lean against the window and wish that Leonard was here to tell me that everything is going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Without this A/N, the word count for this chapter is 6,493! My longest ever chapter!**

**Because this story is from Alex's perspective, I have written about Leonard and Penny from her perspective and so what she is thinking is not what I'm thinking. If she thought that they are a great couple, Alex would be completely out of character. Also, when she says 'how am I going to contend with her?'(About Penny), that is just what I thought Alex might think.**

**Anyway, here we go!**

After a disastrous weekend, my working week is off to a good start. Well, it is only ten to nine on Monday morning but so far everything is fine. I am carrying two boxes (what is it with me and boxes of his notebooks?) of Dr Cooper's science journals up to his office but once I have my own office space I'll move them into there. Unlike last Friday, I didn't spend ages trying to find an outfit to impress Dr Cooper, although I have tried to make sure I look smart. This time, I was mostly considering what kind of impression Leonard would get. I have chosen skinny black jeans, a dusky pink blouse and a burgundy waistcoat.

Firstly, I have to report to Dr Gablehauser in his office about where exactly I'll be working. Obviously a lot of the time I'll be working closely with Dr Cooper, but because he prefers to work alone it will be easier to go and sort through the journals separately. As I walk past Dr Cooper's office, I can see that he's not in there but the door is open so I quickly abandon the boxes I'm holding, onto a chair by the door and hurry to Dr Gablehauser's office. Getting rid of the boxes for a few minutes means I won't have to sit with them awkwardly when I get to the head of department's office. As the time turns nine o'clock, I knock on the door.

"Come in," Dr Gablehauser calls. I push the door open and he gestures for me to sit down, so I do.

"Good morning! So, how has the office hunt been?" I smile.

"Very well, actually. My first choice candidate has agreed to share their office with you. In fact, I'll show you the office now and tell you about it on the way," he tells me. After holding the door open for him, we walk through the physics department. "You'll be sharing the office with a fellow theoretical physicist who works very closely with Dr Cooper, whose office is near your employer's and there will be plenty of space for both of you to work separately."

"Sounds perfect," I comment truthfully. Suddenly, things don't seem quite as perfect as we approach Dr Kripke's office. However, there are lots of different offices around so it doesn't mean that I'll be sharing with him. Can you imagine if I really did have to work every day with- oh my God we are actually going into Dr Kripke's office! Could this get any worse?

"Miss Jensen, meet Dr Barry Kripke. You will be working in here for the foreseeable future, but please come and see me if there are any issues. Good luck," Dr Gablehauser introduces. He leaves the room and closes the door behind him, leaving me alone with the dreaded pervert. It's obvious from the way that Dr Kripke is looking at me that he remembers me from Friday, but he introduces himself anyway.

"I'm Dw Kwipke and you'll have the pweasure of working very cwosewy with me," Dr Kripke smirks, putting emphasis on the word 'cwosewy'. We are standing too close together to be comfortable, so I step back. Thankfully, he stays where he is.

"Why are you introducing yourself; we have already met?"

"This is our fowmal intwoduction. Awen't you capable of intwoducing youwself pwoperly?" Dr Kripke asks patronisingly, tilting his head on the last sentence. To prove him wrong, I choose to rise above his pathetic creepiness from last week and speak civilly back to him.

"Nice to formally meet you, Dr Kripke. I'm Miss Alex Jensen, Dr Cooper's assistant," I say. He holds his hand out for me to shake and although the last thing I want to do is touch him, I shake it stiffly. The handshake goes on for too long. Glaring, I pull my hand away.

"Wait a second... I thought you were cawled Miss Not-In-A-Million-Years?" He asks, faking confusion. I remember that last time we met, he asked me for my name and that's what I shouted in response before shutting the door firmly behind me.

"I have two names, like Superman is also Clark Kent," I tell him, sitting down at my new desk. He laughs and continues to write on one of his whiteboards. Surprisingly, his whiteboards are just as impressive as Dr Cooper's. I suppose I had assumed that he wouldn't be as intelligent because he is a pervert, but I guess I was wrong. Fortunately, so far he hasn't been too bad creepiness-wise (apart from the elongated, slow handshake) but then we do have the foreseeable future working in close proximity to creep me out. I can't wait.

* * *

It's mid-morning now and fortunately Dr Kripke hasn't been too bad. I mean, he has made a few uncomfortable comments here and there, but he hasn't touched me so I have been fine. Occasionally, I think that he is quite good looking in his own way, but then he'll say something weird and I'll wonder how I ever thought that. So far, I have spent more time in Dr Cooper's office but when he randomly shoos me out it is very helpful to have somewhere else to work through his journals. I would never tell him, but so far I haven't found anything in his books that could be useful in the world of science, never mind lead to a noble prize. It has all been incredibly well-written and the understanding for someone as young as he was back then is unbelievable, but I'm wondering whether there is anything in all these boxes that is worth something more than a simple compliment. After the catastrophe that was last Saturday, I spent most of Sunday hiding from Molly and my family, in my bedroom working and I still found nothing.

As I pick up yet another box of journals to carry out of Dr Cooper's office, his phone rings. I am meant to answer it, but on the screen it shows that there is an incoming video call rather than a phone call. I'm not worried about answering it, but I hesitate for a second because I haven't answered his phone yet. What should I say?

"What are you waiting for, the apocalypse?" Dr Cooper asks, shaking his head. I pick up the phone and answer it.

"Dr Cooper's office," I say to the woman on the screen. She looks about Sheldon's age and her face is covered in a very heavy layer of make-up. She has long brown hair and similarly coloured eyes.

"Oh, hello. Who are you?" She asks, looking very surprised. I suppose she was expecting Dr Cooper to answer the phone.

"I'm Alex, Dr Cooper's assistant. Can I help you?"

"I'd like to speak to Sheldon," she states firmly. I pause for a second before remembering that Dr Cooper's first name is Sheldon. I wish I could just pass the phone over, but I remember what he asked me to do in this situation.

"I'm sorry, he's asked me to hold all calls unless you're Stephen Hawking, his mother or himself from the future," I explain, embarrassed. The woman looks disgruntled and I feel a little uncomfortable.

"All right, well tell him Amy called," she says. I am glad that she now seems to understand; I can't help that Dr Cooper asked me to just take a message for most calls. If I'm going to tell him that Amy called, I also need to tell him her last name because otherwise he might make me call her back and find out, knowing what Dr Cooper's like.

"Last name?"

"He knows my last name; I'm his girlfriend," Amy informs me. She pauses for a few seconds and then adds, "We have a contract and everything, I'll send you a PDF."

Having spent some time with Dr Cooper now, I am sort of shocked that he has a girlfriend but then writing a contract with her sounds perfect for him, so I decide that she is telling the truth.

"All right, I will tell him you called," I smile. She ends the video call and I put his phone back down. I turn to face Dr Cooper who is sitting behind his desk. "Dr Cooper? Amy called, but she didn't leave a message so I'm not entirely sure why she tried to contact you. Did she know that you have an assistant? It's just that she seemed very surprised to see me."

"That's odd. As with any change, I did inform her like the time I switched my weekend hair conditioner to mint and tea tree because using sun kissed raspberry conditioner made me feel like a hippy every morning and it was playing havoc with my work," Dr Cooper rambles. Most of it just goes over my head now, but I can't help noticing that he's a little crazy.

Actually, I think I have worked out why Amy didn't expect me to be there.

"Did you tell her that you have an assistant called Alex? If you did, by no fault on your part, she might have thought that I was a guy," I suggest. With Dr Cooper, the last thing you want to do is suggest that he has done something wrong.

"I suppose you could be right, that's certainly possible. Maybe you're not just a brainless slave after all," Dr Cooper smiles without having a clue that calling me that will offend me. I know that he doesn't completely understand insults, so I just sigh and choose to ignore it. Amy told me that she is Dr Cooper's girlfriend, but the idea is so strange that I have to check with him.

"Amy told me that you are in a relationship with her, is this true?" I question.

"Yes, we are currently involved in a relationship primarily of the mind," Dr Cooper responds. "In fact, we even have a very concise 31 page relationship agreement that we have both signed, just under two years ago now."

"Wow, what sort of thing does that include?"

"Well, many things including booboos and ouchies, our monthly date night, 'Girlfriend/Boyfriend Sing Along Night' and the circumstances in which hand-holding is acceptable, although that seems to have gone completely out the window. She really is a vixen," Dr Cooper explains. He acts as though hand-holding is a horrible punishment, and I can't help wondering how they have lasted for two years, not that it's any of my business.

* * *

"Miss Jensen, check my schedule. What do I have next?" Dr Coopers orders. This morning has been one menial task after the other and I have barely done any research. So much for being a research assistant, I feel like a servant.

"Next, you have lunch with Dr Hofstadter and Dr Koothrappali... and with me helping you," I read off his phone. How exactly am I going to help him eat lunch?

"Oh, that was unexpected," Dr Cooper comments even though he was the one that typed up his schedule. "As my newly acquired assistant you have to get my lunch for me."

"Why?" I can't help asking why, particularly as he lasted all these years without someone else sorting his lunch out for him. I am also a bit annoyed because I wanted some time to myself during his lunch break, even if it was still working through the science journals.

"Why not, as the free spirits among us would cry? There's a saying that tells us 'if life gives you lemons, make lemonade', so if life gives you a slave, why not make them slave away?" He answers with a shrug as though it's not his fault. Part of me wants to just walk out, but I know that if I stay I am closer to Leonard. Besides, if Dr Cooper and him are having lunch together than I will get to spend some time with him, hopefully. I grit my teeth slightly and agree to help Dr Cooper get his lunch.

"Okay, what do I need to do?"

* * *

Those were my fatal last words. Fine, it's not _that_ bad, but I'm in the cafeteria and Leonard hasn't come yet. I haven't even been able to talk to Dr Koothrappali yet (not that he talked last time we met), because Dr Cooper keeps shooing me away like I'm a chicken trespassing in a farmhouse. At the moment, I'm just sorting out the frozen yogurt he's having for dessert. The list of requirements for this yogurt is ridiculous, but I'm trying my best to get everything right. I am still desperate for him to be impressed, but this is crazy. Oh my God! Leonard has just walked past me with a lunch tray! Maybe we will be able to get to know each other better after all. I'm desperate to get back to the table and see him, but I still have to sort the yogurt situation. Who would have known that it could take this long to get a frozen yogurt? Finally, I add the finishing touch; a cherry on the top as well as the bottom, both without stalks. The yogurt is put together and I feel so impatient, but after all that the yogurt is finished. I'll never eat frozen yogurt again, but it's done. I carry it back to the table where Dr Cooper, Dr Koothrappali and Leonard are sitting.

"Here's your frozen yogurt, Dr Cooper," I say, putting the frozen yogurt down carefully in front of him.

"This should be fun," Leonard comments to Dr Koothrappali. I realise that I want to impress Leonard as much as Dr Cooper.

"Half chocolate, half vanilla, side by side; not swirled?" Dr Cooper questions.

"Yes."

"Half a teaspoon of sprinkles?"

"Rainbow, not chocolate."

"Two cherries?"

"One on top, one on the bottom."

"Stems removed?"

"Umm... the top one yes, I didn't check the one on the bottom," I explain nervously. I tried so hard and it was all going so well, but I tripped on the last hurdle.

"Ooh!" Leonard makes a face at me and I realise what a big mistake I have made.

"I'm so sorry, Dr Cooper," I apologise.

"That's all right Alex, I'm not mad at you I'm just disappointed," Dr Cooper sighs, opening the frozen yogurt container. Leonard makes a face at me and I remember that he must have to put up with Dr Cooper all the time because they live together. I was planning to sit with them, especially as there is a spare seat opposite Leonard, but after the yogurt mistake I think it would be the wrong time to ask to sit with them. So, I just start to walk away like I did earlier.

"Wait, Alex do you want to join us?" Leonard offers, gesturing to the empty seat opposite him. My heart leaps, but Dr Cooper intercepts.

"Alex, a moment; I need a word with Dr Hofstadter," Dr Cooper interrupts, wafting me away with his hand. I keep calm and walk away, but I am really upset at the way that he prevented me from chatting to Leonard and just wafted me away with his hand. He really has no respect whatsoever for me. I keep near them so that I can eavesdrop on their conversation, which is not something that I'm used to doing but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Do you think it's appropriate for her to sit with us, given her station?" Dr Cooper asks Leonard.

"Given her what?" Leonard responds, frowning. I can tell that he thinks my boss is being ridiculous.

"If I've learned anything from British television shows on PBS, it's that servants dine downstairs with their own kind," Dr Cooper explains smugly as though he's lord of the manor or something.

"What?"

"It's a kindness, Leonard. Otherwise you're cruelly tempting them with a glimpse of a world that's just beyond their soot-stained finger tips," Dr Cooper continues. He makes me even more determined to get my doctorate and be successful, but not in a nice, inspiring way.

"Oh, sure," Leonard agrees, slightly sarcastically. Then, he looks up at me with his beautiful dark eyes and smiles. His eyes smile too. "Please join us!"

"Ooh, okay! Thank you," I grin, hurrying back to the table and sitting down opposite him in one swift movement. I'm so excited to be with Leonard again.

"So, Alex what's the topic of your dissertation?" Leonard questions.

"I'm looking for Trojan asteroids at Earth's L-Five Lagrange point," I tell him. It's nice to have a fellow physicist be genuinely interested in my work.

"Oh, that happens to be Dr Koothrappali's field of expertise. You two have a lot to talk about," Leonard replies, leaning smugly back in his chair. His smugness is somehow cute, instead of Dr Cooper's infuriating arrogance. Maybe it's because I can tell that he's not like that all the time.

"Is that true?" I ask Dr Koothrappali. Although I really want Leonard to see me bond with his friends, I also love to make new friends anyway. Dr Koothrappali glares at Leonard, stands up and carries his lunch tray over to the next empty table. I should be used to odd behaviour by now, but I still find this strange. "Is he all right?" I ask Leonard, nodding in Dr Koothrappali's direction.

"No," answers Leonard, leaning towards me a little. "But compared to your boss he's the poster boy for sanity." I laugh and glance at Dr Koothrappali, who is looking miserable. Unfortunately, I am so glad to be with Leonard that I just ignore him and continue our conversation.

"It's okay; I've been around scientists all my life. My Dad's an astronomer at SETI."

"Oh, SETI the Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence. You should introduce him to Sheldon, the search is over!" Leonard jokes. We laugh and I feel so comfortable yet nervous with him.

"So what kind of research are you doing?"

"High energy lasers," he tells me. I am genuinely impressed.

"Ooh, military?"

"Not yet, but I can remove unwanted hair from two miles away," he chuckles. We laugh and I'm caught in his warm chuckle like I was caught in the beauty and elegance of the wedding.

"You're very funny, Dr Hofstadter," I smile.

"Cherry stem! Cherry stem!"

Everyone to look at Dr Cooper, who is clutching his throat and we can all tell that he's choking. Hands shaking, I panic and stand up. Time seems to stand still and I don't know what to do. Well, obviously I should do the Heimlich manoeuvre and get the cherry stem out of his throat but I'm not completely sure how and I don't want to risk doing it completely wrong and lodging it further down his throat. Thankfully, someone does know how to do the Heimlich manoeuvre.

"It's going to be okay," Leonard comforts Dr Cooper as he stands up and walks briskly over. I remember that on Saturday night I had been wishing that he would be there and tell me that. "This might hurt a little. I've got this."

A few seconds later, the Heimlich manoeuvre is already done and the guilty cherry stem flies out of Dr Cooper's mouth. It hits Dr Koothrappali right in his eye, not that I really notice. I am still looking at Leonard as he hurries over to him. I take in how sensitive and caring he is. What a hero!

* * *

About half an hour later, I am walking through the physics department. Dr Cooper sent me out of his office (he wanted to work alone) and although I was meant to go and work in Dr Kripke's office I thought I would go and check if Dr Koothrappali is okay. He had to go straight to the nurse, but Dr Cooper told me that I should 'be considerate to other people in my own time, for now just focus on me'. Because of this, I have no idea if Dr Koothrappali is all right now so I thought as I have an opportunity I will go quickly before anyone notices that I'm not in any of the places I'm meant to be. Also, there is a chance that I might 'accidently' bump into Leonard on my way to the medical room.

As I approach the medical room, I hear footsteps behind me. As far as I'm aware I'm on my own in this corridor, so I spin around and see Dr Cooper following me. I freeze, but manage to pull myself together.

"Dr Cooper..." I start, not quite knowing how to end my sentence.

"What are you doing here? Five minutes of my valuable time have been wasted following you through the University. I can't believe that you have betrayed me and come here despite me telling you specifically..." the Texan lectures. I think it's crazy that I'm not allowed to check if Dr Koothrappali is okay. Well, actually I'm more here for Leonard but Dr Cooper doesn't know that.

"But I just wanted to..."

"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a merry Christmas," Dr Cooper states. At this point, I'm worrying that I have never seen him this upset with me before. What if he decides that with the cherry stem incident and this combined I am not right for the job? Despite everything, I still really want to work for him, crazy as it sounds. "Maybe you are not such a suitable..."

"Is everything okay out here?" Leonard questions, coming out of the medical room and closing the door softly behind him. He must been checking on Dr Koothrappali like me and heard us from inside.

"No, everything is not okay. Alex has come here to see if Raj is all right, even though I told her specifically not to do so," Dr Cooper answers. I notice that he calls me Miss Jensen when we are alone, but Alex when we are with his friends. "I was just informing Alex that I'm not sure if she is up to this position after all."

Leonard looks surprised, but then quickly hides his shock. He is already standing beside me, but he leans in slightly and whispers, "Are you sure you want this job? This is an opportunity to be freed if you have changed your mind."

"Yeah, it's still an incredible job to have," I mumble back. It is not a complete lie, but I doubt the words as they pass my lips. Leonard seems to understand this because he gives me a knowing look and nods.

"I'm only saying this just because you want to keep your job," Leonard murmurs. All I want right now is to be alone apart from him and his soft whispers. He turns to Dr Cooper and declares. "But Sheldon, Alex will surely fail without your wisdom and guidance!"

"I hadn't considered that," my boss responds. Leonard's plan must be working, because Dr Cooper stares into space and then looks back at us. "I have now considered that. As you obviously need me, (who doesn't?), and having a slave can be handy; you may keep your job. Come, Alex," Dr Cooper tells me, clicking his fingers as though I'm a dog and he's taking me for a walk. I follow him quietly. When he's not looking, I mouth 'thank you' to Leonard and he gives me one of his best goofy grins in response. That's all I need.

* * *

Luckily, it's nearly four o'clock. Only about ten minutes until I finish work! At the moment I'm in my office, flicking through a science journal about magnets. I scan the page half-heartedly while thinking about how Leonard rescued three people today; Dr Cooper from choking on the cherry stem, Dr Koothrappali from his eye injury worsening and not seeing the nurse and me from losing my job. Despite all that, he's never arrogant like Dr... wait a second. I re-read the page and everything fits together, like completing a jigsaw puzzle. I think I have found something! Carefully, I work it out and it seems to be exactly what I think it is. I double check and try again and again because I don't want to tell Dr Cooper about this and then find out that I'm wrong and it is just a false alarm. If I'm right, the approach in this project could change the way that we calculate ferromagnetic hysteresis! After three quarters of an hour of workings out on Dr Kripke's spare whiteboard, I decide to tell Dr Cooper about my findings. I should have left Caltech at four o'clock and it's nearly five o'clock but I don't mind.

It's now about half past five and I'm still with Dr Cooper. Fortunately, he is very pleased with my findings and at the moment he agrees with me that this could change the calculations. Before we started work, he had to go and tell Leonard to go home without him as I was going to drive him home later. It's going well but he decided that we be able to work better at his apartment because we had both technically finished work for the day at the University. At the moment, we are just entering his apartment building on Los Robles Avenue.

"What floor is your apartment on?" I ask as we walk into the lobby.

"The fourth floor; we live in 4A," Dr Cooper tells me. I walk towards the elevator, but I stop as I read the yellow banners across it declaring that the elevator doesn't work. The elevator must have been out of order for a long time because there is a thick layer of dust covering it. "Can't you read? The elevator is evidently out of order," he tells me, climbing the stairs.

"I can tell. It looks like it hasn't been used in quite some time, what happened?"

"It broke," he answers, looking at me as though I'm the crazy one. I choose not to push the subject anymore and we climb the stairs quietly. Leonard has to climb all these stairs every single day... I'll never take my apartment building's elevator for granted again. Dr Cooper is rambling on, so I just nod and agree in the right places. We reach the fourth floor and as he pushes the door open I feel the same tingly nerves as when I first met Leonard. We step into a large room that's a seating area and living room combined. The room is filled with books and all sorts of science fiction and fantasy memorabilia and you can really tell that they have lived here for a long time somehow. Leonard is sitting on the brown leather sofa next to a beautiful blonde woman.

"Oh good, Leonard, you're here! Science news, this will interest you," Dr Cooper greets, sitting down beside Leonard on the far side of the sofa. He turns to the blonde and says, "Penny, feel free to paint your nails." I can't help feeling glad that I'm not the only one he acts patronisingly with. Penny and Leonard aren't being affectionate to each other, so I have no reason to think that they are a couple but I can't help worrying. How am I going to contend with her? I shake off any insecurity and stand by the sofa.

"What have you got?" Leonard asks as Dr Cooper shows him the science project.

"I believe Alex may have unearthed the grade school science project that could be my ticket to the Nobel Prize. Behold," my boss explains, handing Leonard the project with a flourish. Leonard looks up at me in a friendly way before reading out the project's title.

"'Magnets: What Do They Stick To?' If the answer is metal it's not exactly ground breaking," he points out, opening the project. I feel a smile spread across my face.

"The original title was 'A Rederivation of Maxwell's Equations Regarding Electromagnetism'. I dumbed it down because some of the more religious people in town were starting to say I was a witch," Dr Cooper tells him. Leonard looks a mixture of impressed and thoughtful by our possible scientific discovery, so as I want to make sure he is impressed by me as well as Dr Cooper I step forward. I choose to call Dr Cooper 'Sheldon' in front of his friends, because he calls me Alex rather than Miss Jensen in front of his.

"Sheldon thinks the approach in this paper might change the way we calculate ferromagnetic hysteresis," I add excitedly.

"Oh, it's about time. I hated the old way," Penny says with a Nebraskan accent. By the way her facial expression when she talked, I get the impression that she has no idea what we are talking about. She jumps and grins at me. "Hi, I'm Penny," she introduces as we shake hands. Up close I can see that blonde is not her natural hair colour.

"Alex," I smile. I can't resist it; I have to find out if Leonard and her are dating. "Uh, do you work with Dr Hofstadter?"

"In a way. We've kind of been involved in a five year experiment," Penny tells me thoughtfully. Leonard and Dr Cooper exchange confused looks and I wonder whether she is telling the truth. However, I act as though I believe her so that I don't cause an argument like I did on Saturday.

"Oh. Well, you're lucky. He seems very talented and I'm sure a lot of people want to work with him," I say, despite knowing that she must be lying. The one thing I haven't lied about is that she's lucky to be working with Leonard. Very, very lucky.

"Well, a lot of people can't," she replies through a forced grin. She turns to Leonard and I have to pull myself together with an even wider fake smile to stop myself crying in front of everyone. We must look like clowns with our plastered on fake smiles. "Uh, come on."

"Where are we going?" Leonard asks as she pulls him off the sofa and holds his hand much too firmly.

"My limbic system wants to take your pants off," Penny answers, pulling him roughly outside. Shocked, he watches Dr Cooper and me to see if we heard her until he disappears completely behind the door. I want to pull her forcefully away from him, cry hysterically or do both. Needless to say, I don't. Any irritation or even anger melts away and I'm left feeling empty. So much emptiness. As usual, I cover my emotions up with a smile. Suddenly, I just don't care about the ferromagnetic hysteresis anymore and I want to go home.

"She seems nice," I tell Dr Cooper lamely. It's not much, but it's the best I can do.

"Notice people in your own time. We're working," he responds sharply, sorting out his various science projects. He doesn't understand what I'm going through, but then I don't expect him to. In fact, the only person that needs to understand is currently with Penny rather than me. Despite my inner feelings, I know that there is nothing that I can do at the moment to change them, so I continue working with Dr Cooper.

* * *

For most of my life, I have longed to make my father and myself proud by making a contribution to science. All those years at University in Iowa and California spent wishing that one day I would write a paper or discover something that would make a real difference. Now, I'm nearly Dr Jensen and it still hadn't happened, until now when I'm in the apartment of an incredible theoretical physicist that has an IQ of 187 and we are working on what he is sure is a new way of calculating ferromagnetic hysteresis. And yet, I can't focus on the possibly ground-breaking idea that is being developed right in front of me. All that I can think about is where Leonard is.

Leonard hasn't come back yet. It's only half past six, but I feel like he's been gone forever and I need to further investigate if him and Penny are together or not. Reluctantly, I have kept working with Dr Cooper, letting him do most of the talking which he seems to be fine with. I doubt that he is noticed that anything is wrong, despite my fading forced grin. Whenever Dr Cooper isn't looking, I glance at the door as though Leonard is going to burst in any moment. He doesn't.

Eventually, Dr Cooper decides that we have done enough for today and that as we have made a lot of progress, we should stop and continue the work tomorrow. I agree immediately, probably a bit too fast. As I am going to leave in a few minutes and Leonard has still not come back, I choose to investigate the Leonard/Penny situation now.

So, how do Dr Hofstadter and Penny know each other?" I ask as nonchalantly as I can while he packs a few more boxes full of his childhood projects.

"They met five years ago, when Penny moved in across the hall from us into apartment 4B. Dr Hofstadter immediately begun pursing her for coitus and after a Halloween party incident with a giant, they finally..."

"Whoa, okay. I don't really want to hear the details of..." I interrupt quickly.

"... I was going to say that she merely kissed him while intoxicated, but I believe they first had coitus during the second year of their complicated on again off again relationship. I had to purchase noise-cancelling headphones especially," Dr Cooper explains. I cringe, but I can't believe that my worst fears have been confirmed. His words hit me like bullets.

"Are they still together?" I question, my heart beating so hard that I think it might leap out of my chest.

"Yes, although they break up and get back together nearly as fast as the Flash would be able to run to the Grand Canyon from here. Notable events in their disastrous relationship include when Dr Hofstadter told her that he loved her in 2010 and she simply said 'thank you, good night' in response. To this day Penny has not told him that she loves him," Dr Cooper replies coolly. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. Why hasn't she that she loves him yet? Does she love him? If after five years of being in a relationship you don't love that person... why are you still with them? Does Penny have an ulterior motive? And above all, how could someone do that to Leonard? From what I've just found out and the way that Penny randomly (literally) pulled Leonard away from us, she doesn't seem to have much respect for Leonard. Surely, if you didn't feel the same about someone as they do about you, you would give them some respect and end the relationship?

I don't say any of that out loud, obviously. I just nod slowly and I decide to continue the happiness facade. I still manage to conceal my emotions a little, but I realise that I have to get out of here before I ask too many questions and accidently let him know how I feel about his experimental physicist roommate.

"Okay... well, good to know! Hey, it's been great working here and everything, but I'd better go. So, I'll um see you tomorrow then," I call shakily as I pick up the project boxes and carry them out.

Dr Cooper calls something after me, but I'm already closing his door. I look across to apartment 4B where I'm guessing that Leonard is right now. From what Penny said to him earlier, I guess they are having sex. It's silent out here and I try to shake off my thoughts of what is going on in there. I try and think about my family to calm myself down. The silence as I stand alone in the hall is painful and I hurry away down the flights of stairs as tears blur my vision. God, how many stairs are there?

Biting my lip to stop the tears from falling, I rush to my car outside. I really need some time to think (and probably cry) on my own, but as soon as I start driving home, my phone rings. It's just Becky seeing if I'm okay because I was gone a lot longer than I had expected. I desperately need to have some time alone so that I don't have to fake happiness any longer, but it looks like I'll have to wait a while before that happens.

* * *

I really did have to wait a while. It's very late that night and I had to spend all evening being sociable and acting cheerful because after the fateful wedding I had been hiding in my room for the majority of the weekend and Becky hadn't seen me much. Becky's boyfriend Josh had come over (he's still here, actually) and I had to be friendly and chatty with him too. Josh is spending a lot of time with Becky recently, most of the time they seem to be together. Usually, I don't mind but it meant that I couldn't hide in my bedroom like a sulking ten year old all evening. However, I'm alone now and it's 2am but I haven't slept yet, despite having an early night so that I could be on my own.

I can't stop thinking about Leonard being with Penny. I expected to feel depressed about it, but I'm feeling really irritated now. It seems really unfair that she doesn't seem to respect him and hasn't told him that she loves even after five years of dating. I would tell him my real feelings, appreciate him and respect him but she's the one that he's with and I'm the one sleeping alone tonight. I wish that he was here with me. I could tell him that I would treat him so much better than Penny and that my feelings are stronger for him than hers. We would make an amazing couple, me and Leonard.

Earlier, I thought that any chance of us being together have been ruined by his unappreciative girlfriend but now I realise that if I could only show him what we could be, there is a chance that he could leave her and we could get together. I have never done anything like this, but I think I can make this work. I'm not going to play games or try to control him, because I want what's best for him and being manipulated or dating Penny is not what's best for him. If we are going to be together, I want it to be mutual and if that's not possible then fine. But if it is mutual, I'm not having her standing in the way of me and Leonard.


	6. Chapter 6

A few weeks later, Leonard and I are no closer to being together. With all the work that Dr Cooper is making me do, I haven't had any time to chat with him and the only times we have together are if Dr Cooper and I pass him in a corridor. Since the frozen yoghurt incident, I haven't been allowed to get his lunch but that's obviously not a bad thing. However, it does mean that I haven't been able to see Leonard at lunch.

Most of the last two weeks at work have been listening to Dr Cooper ramble on about everything, including his Jewish friend _Mr _Howard Wolowitz (don't forget the Mr!) who has just come back from space and apparently talks about his galactic adventures. He's an aerospace engineer and apparently it's ridiculous that he talks about his two weeks on the International Space Station. I haven't met him yet. Also, I have been doing menial jobs for Dr Cooper and barely any research. Molly and We haven't really got on since Auntie Alison's wedding and I don't think we'll ever be quite the same again.

I haven't told anyone about Leonard, except Brittany at the wedding. Even Brittany doesn't know that he has a girlfriend, although I talk about him a lot when we call each other. Despite having lived so far away from each other for years, I miss her more than ever now. I think it's because Becky is spending more and more time at her boyfriend Josh's apartment and my friendship with Molly is more than haven't really got on since Auntie Alison's wedding and I don't think we'll ever be quite the same again. Actually, I'm alone in our apartment right now.

As if on cue, the phone rings loudly. I pick it up and hear Brittany's familiar Iowa accent as she asks to speak to me (Becky usually answers the phone). I smile and start chatting.

After half an hour of our phone call, I feel so comfortable that I decide that now is the right time to tell Brittany that Leonard is in a relationship. I'm on the sofa, so I grab a cushion for moral support (no I'm not five years old, but this is a big thing and I don't want her to judge me). It's not just that Leonard has a girlfriend, it's the fact that I'm still going to hit on him when I get the opportunity. Holding the teal cushion against me with my left hand and holding the phone with my right, I go for it.

"Brit, there's something I need to tell you about Leonard," I start tentatively.

"Is he a criminal or something? Oh God, is he a drug addict?" Brittany shrieks.

"A criminal? After everything I've told you about him, you think he would break the law?" I question. Leonard is so sensitive and gentle that I couldn't imagine him being a criminal.

"Okay, sorry. What is it though?"

"Do you remember a while ago when Dr Cooper and I were working on a new way of calculating ferromagnetic hysteresis? Well, when I told you about Leonard and Dr Cooper's apartment, I didn't mention that there was someone else there," I explain. I take a deep breath and continue. "His beautiful blonde neighbour, Penny, who just happens to live across the hall, was also there."

"Oh, competition! I don't know Penny, but I bet you could compete with her," Brittany comforts excitedly as though we're literally going to fight over Leonard. Maybe we will. Okay, definitely not.

"Thanks, but it's not that easy. Penny and Leonard have been together in what's apparently an 'on again, off again' relationship for five years. Five years!" I sigh desperately. It feels like such a relief to be able to tell someone about all this.

For the next ten minutes, I tell my cousin everything that I have managed to find out through my boss about Penny and their relationship; the way that Penny hasn't told Leonard that she loves him, that according to Dr Cooper she is always flirting with other guys and that Penny is an 'actress' that works at the Cheesecake Factory. I tell Brittany about the way that Penny doesn't seem to feel the way I do about her boyfriend.

"Listen, their relationship seems completely messed up... but Leonard is still with her. No offence Alex, but do you think that Penny seems worse just because she's dating Leonard?"

I am speechless, but I see where Brittany's coming from. I wish I didn't.

"I guess so. But, they really aren't right for each other I'm sure of it. Dr Cooper seems to agree with me although he's hasn't literally said so and I doubt that he's jealous that Penny gets to be with Leonard," I point out quickly. "Penny and Leonard are like jigsaw pieces that don't fit together."

"Good point about Dr Cooper..." Brittany starts, and then pauses. "Wait, where are you going with this?"

"If Leonard is truly happy with Penny, then that's okay because I want him to be happy. I can make sacrifices. If he thinks that there's a chance he would be happier with me, then I'll get us together whether Penny likes it or not," I explain confidently, throwing the round cushion to the other end of the sofa.

"That sounds reasonable. I know how you feel about him. How exactly will you know if he likes you back and thinks there's a chance for you two?" She questions. I can tell that she's coming around to the idea. Also, I am so glad I can easily answer this question.

"Well, I have an interesting idea! My plan A will start whenever I get the chance for it to be just the two of us..."

"You're going to hit on him, aren't you?"

"How did you guess? But yeah, that's my plan," I reply, mildly irritated. "It was a lot more impressive in my head."

"Sure," Brittany laughs. "If you make sure that you're not too pushy and it doesn't become an affair..."

"I wouldn't do that! I'm not going to be his bit on the side!" I shriek, walking into the kitchen.

"I know you wouldn't, but this is so unlike you that I just wanted to make sure. If you're careful, then go for it," Brittany adds.

"Oh, I'm going to," I smile. "As soon as my 'quirky' boss lets me have a minute alone with Leonard, plan A will be in action."

"What's plan B?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

* * *

A couple of days later, Dr Cooper seems to have another problem with me, but I'm not sure what it is yet.

"Ugh," Dr Cooper groans as I walk in front of his desk and put down his phone that I have just answered. "Ugh."

"What's wrong?" I ask reluctantly. I know I'm practically asking for one of his rants, but he has been groaning every time I move for the last fifteen minutes.

"Your corduroy pants are too noisy. I can hear all your movements and I have almost Vulcan hearing, so that's kind of a big deal," Dr Cooper moans.

"Fine, I'll change," I tell him, anger creeping into my voice. He doesn't reply, he just walks out.

Yesterday, he was rambling to Dr Koothrappali about some time a few years ago when Leonard was a speaker at this physics conference. Leonard and Dr Cooper apparently had a fight and for some reason (don't make me work out Dr Cooper's mind), he mentioned that Leonard was wearing a 'repulsive' corduroy suit. I remembered about my corduroy pants and so I thought I would wear them today, but apparently they are too loud.

When I walk out of Dr Cooper's office to go and get changed, Dr Koothrappali and a guy that fits the description of Mr Wolowitz are standing right outside the door.

"Hi, guys," I greet. I'm not in the mood to chat, but I don't want to be rude either and they seem to be perfectly nice people.

"Hey, Alex, do you know where your boss just went?" Mr Wolowitz asks.

"No," I answer distractedly. Where am I going to find quieter pants?

"Don't you know his schedule?" He continues.

"All I know is corduroy makes too much noise and I have to go find quieter pants," I reply touchily. Getting my phone out of my pocket, I decide to text Becky and tell her about what's just happened with Dr Cooper and the corduroy.

"Come on," Mr Wolowitz calls after me. I ignore him and keep going. As Dr Cooper has asked me to find some quieter pants, I suppose it counts as a work errand if I drive home, change into a pair of my blue jeans and come back. Besides, on the way back I might actually have time to get some lunch as I don't usually have breaks. Dr Cooper isn't exactly employer of the year.

* * *

Finally, it's the end of another day at work. My working days go really slowly now, but I decide to stay here and get a quick coffee (I have been getting more into coffee recently) from the University cafeteria. To be honest, I think that Becky is staying over at her boyfriend Josh's apartment tonight and I don't want to come home to an empty apartment again for the second time this week (it's only Friday). As I pick up a coffee stirrer, I see Leonard sitting alone at a nearby table and looking down into his cup of tea as though it holds the meaning of life. My heart starts to beat fast and I feel so nervous, but I have to put plan A into action. I choose to refer to him formally like I do with Dr Cooper and Dr Koothrappali because we have only met a few times and I want the last thing I want is to come across as rude.

"Oh, hello, Dr Hofstadter," I greet. I walk over to his table and he drags his gaze out of his tea and up at me.

"Hey, Alex, and call me Leonard. Dr Hofstadter is my father. And my mother. And my sister. And our cat. Although I'm pretty sure Dr Boots Hofstadter's degree is honorary," Leonard tells me, smiling. I laugh and I can tell he feels just as comfortable as I do, so I decide to take the next step.

"May I join you, Leonard?"

"Sure," he responds and I sit down opposite him with my coffee.

"Uh, Alex, let me ask you something. My girlfriend knows this guy at school. He's got an English accent..." Leonard starts seriously, leaning into me.

"Ooh, I love English accents," I sigh wistfully, cupping my hands around my cup of coffee.

"Yeah, you all do. Anyway, I feel like he's hitting on her. She says he's just being nice and that I should trust her," he continues worriedly.

From what I've heard, I'm not sure if Penny should be trusted but I have only actually met her once. Also, it seems strange that he doesn't want me to know that Penny is his girlfriend because he hasn't mentioned her name once during this conversation. Why? Does he want to keep us separate? Maybe he feels guilty that he thinks him and I would be better together than them? Hey, a girl can dream!

"It's probably harmless. You know how it is. I'm sure you get hit on all the time," I smile. I look deep into his expressive eyes which are showing that he is very sceptical of my last sentence.

"Right. Because girls are always like 'ooh, that guy owns two Star Trek uniforms and gets a lot of ear infections. I got to get me some of that'!" He does an impression of the girls that would say that and looks at me like I'm crazy.

"I don't know, I bet it happens more than you realize," I insist comfortingly.

"Trust me, it doesn't," Leonard sighs sadly. From his expression, I can see that he must have quite low self-esteem which seems bizarre for such a great guy and I wonder if the fact that Penny doesn't seem to appreciate him is a contributing factor.

"You sure? You're cute, you're funny. Maybe you're getting hit on, and you don't even know it," I add carefully. I don't want to be blunt, but he just isn't getting the message that I'm hitting on him.

"Really?"

"Yep, pretty sure," I answer, giving him the most honest look I can. I don't know how to let him see how amazing and desirable he is. I promise myself that when we are together, I will appreciate so much more than Penny does.

"Okay, I got to get back to work. Thanks for listening," he grins, chuckling. He stands up and starts to walk past me.

"No problem," I call after him. This is not going the way I planned on the phone with Brittany and I don't know how to turn this around.

"Hope- hope no girls rip my clothes off on the way," Leonard laughs almost hysterically. I watch him walk away and as soon as he disappears out of the cafeteria my smile fades. I sip my latte slowly and wonder what I did wrong. He was upset about his girlfriend being hit on, which according to Dr Cooper is a regular occurrence, so I comforted him and used even more flattery than I did in my job interview a few weeks back and yet I'm no closer to arranging a date.

My phone goes off and I pick it up lethargically. It's a text from Becky inviting me over to Josh's apartment tonight at 7. I want to be alone, but I text back and agree. That's it! If I have Leonard's number, I could call him and contact him any time. I grab a napkin and write my number with my name written above it carefully. With my coffee in one hand and my napkin in the other, I hurry after Leonard. As I catch up with him in a corridor, I think this might be a bad idea but his smile suggests otherwise.

"Hi, Leonard, I was just thinking about what you were saying a few minutes ago, and I just wanted to say that if you ever feel like talking to someone who cares, just give me a call," I smile, handing him the napkin. Quietly, he studies it and then looks up at me brightly.

"Thanks, Alex, that's really kind of you. If you ever feel like being moaned at about girlfriends being hit on, here's my number," Leonard grins, as I chuckle. He pulls a piece of paper out of a little notebook in his bag and scribbles his number onto it with his name above it, just like I did.

"Thank you," I murmur as he hands me the paper.

"Okay, see you!"

"Bye, and this time I promise I won't chase after you," I quip as I walk away. Grinning, he raises his cup of tea at me like you would raise a toast before we go our separate directions.

I can't wait to tell Brittany about this! He gave me his number and I didn't even have to ask for it! I read his messy handwriting again for the third time as I walk to my car. In a way, this has worked out better than I could have hoped for.

* * *

Is it too soon to call someone two hours after you get their number? I scroll down on my contacts list on my phone until I find Leonard. I want to call him but I feel unusually shy. What if I say the wrong thing or come on too strong? As Becky rambles on about her application for a new job at UCLA, I wonder what Leonard is doing now? Would it be okay if I called him now? I feel so nervous that I choose to text him instead. Much easier. I can choose exactly what to say and I can't really blurt anything out or get carried away, which is a danger when I'm this nervous. I start to write a text, but it is a bit too flirty so I delete it. I calm down and wonder what I should type. I'll try to keep it simple, but there are so many things that I can't decide on, like how do I end it? Do I put a smiley face or an 'X'? It's never this hard texting anyone else, but Leonard is different. Eventually, I type this:

**Hey, it's Alex. Nice having coffee with you. If you want to talk more I'm always available :) :)**

After removing the second smiley face and putting it back a few times, I send the text with both smiley faces. I read over it again from my sent list and realise that I probably shouldn't have put 'it's Alex' because he has my number and I'm sure he has it programmed into his phone so he will know that it's me. I sigh but there's nothing I can do about it now.

"You're not listening to me, are you?"

I look up and Becky is glaring at me from the driver's seat. We are on our way to Josh's penthouse apartment in Westwood and from our apartment it's quite a way so we set off early.

"I was listening while I was texting. I can multi-task, you know," I reply, slipping my phone into the front pocket of my jeans. I always feel under-dressed next to Becky. For example, today I'm wearing these blue jeans and a light blue top with purple flowers on while Becky is wearing a spotty red 50s style dress, a green leather jacket and deep pink high heeled boots. As colourful and bold as her outfits are, I can't help wondering if she just goes into her wardrobe with her eyes shut and wears whatever she picks up.

"Okay, okay. Who were you texting?" Becky asks.

"Oh, it's just this guy from work," I shrug.

If I'm casual, then maybe Becky will drop it. I don't think I'm quite ready for Becky to know about Leonard, particularly as he has a girlfriend. Brittany understood, but then I have known her all my life (she's only one year older than me) and she has also been single for a while. Becky has been with Josh for about a year and a half and they met on this internet dating website, so they were both on the same page from the beginning. Basically, it has been a long time since she was in a situation even remotely like mine so I don't know if she would completely understand. Anyway, telling her about Leonard might be unavoidable now.

"Your smile says that he's more than 'just this guy from work'. Come on, spill!"

"All right. The day I started working for Dr Cooper, I met one of his friends..." I start.

"Ooh, was it the cute guy you were saying about when we went to that club? The one you said was hotter than Ryan Gosling?" She questions excitedly, driving around a complicated roundabout.

"I don't remember that!"

"Really? Well, I guess you were pretty drunk. I bet it was that guy, because that was the same day as you started work at Caltech," she tells me. I still don't remember any of that, but I'm sure it must have been Leonard that drunk me was talking about.

"Yeah, probably. He's not really hot in the conventional way, but he's so gorgeous. He's called Leonard and he's an experimental physicist. Actually, he's Dr Cooper's roommate," I explain.

"Leonard! It's not really the hottest name is it?" Becky laughs.

"Actually, I really like it," I counter, glaring.

"All right, sorry! It's not that bad at all, I'm just teasing you," she comforts. "If he's Dr Cooper roommate, how old is he?"

"Early thirties, I think. Leonard's amazing; he's smart, funny and so cute. A little while ago, he saved Dr Cooper's life by doing the Heimlich manoeuvre... and he still wasn't at all arrogant. I think he actually has quite low self-esteem, like today he seemed to think that he never gets hit on. But I know he does," I sigh.

"How do you know? Oh, have you hit on him? Sorry, stupid question as you already have his number!"

"I did hit on him and he gave me his number, but I don't think he's quite getting the message. You know, I bet he's reading my text right now and saying 'oh, what a friendly girl' rather than seeing that I really like him."

"No offence, but subtlety isn't usually your strong point so I'm sure he must have noticed that you are into him. He is single, isn't he?" Becky questions.

Suddenly, I feel like Becky really wouldn't understand my situation. I only have a few seconds before she thinks it's suspicious that I haven't answered yet, so I just go for it.

"Yeah, he's single. I think the problem is that he doesn't think I like him back." The lies roll too easily off my tongue and I feel so guilty for lying to one of my closest friends. I can't look her in the eye, so I just look out at the passing cars and hope that she doesn't find out he is dating Penny.

* * *

It turns out that I'm not the only one that Becky and Josh invited tonight. It turned out to be a party and there are about thirty of us invited in total, made up of their friends and a few work colleagues, and including Molly and Nadia. We have had a really cool evening so far and I hadn't met any of Josh's friends before so it's nice to meet them. I'm with this guy called Tom at the moment, as Nadia introduced us and left us together on the balcony pointedly. I don't want to be set up with anyone, because it could jeopardise dating Leonard. However, I didn't want to have to explain about him to Nadia as well, so I left it. Besides, Tom is a really nice guy, but I feel a little uncomfortable because he seems into me in a way that I'm not into him.

"So, would you like to go out with me sometime? Like I was telling you about, I'm going away tomorrow for a week but when I come back we..."

"Oh, Tom, I'm sorry but..." I interrupt. The last thing I want is to start dating and I'm not interested in him like that anyway.

"Tom, can we talk for a second?" Nadia asks, popping her head around the glass sliding door with her long black hair swaying.

"Actually, this isn't really a good time," Tom replies quickly. I give Nadia a look that says 'help me!'

"Come on, please," Nadia insists.

"Okay," Tom sighs. He turns back to me and tells me, "Alex, I'll be right back."

I nod and they walk inside. Because of the glass front, I can see them deep in conversation and taking furtive glances at me, which obviously haven't worked because I can see them looking at me. I knew that Josh is a few years older than Becky (he's around thirty) and that he is a lawyer, but I didn't realise how quite how successful he must be to own this amazing apartment on his own. I mean, he rents it but it really is luxury. As beautiful as it is, it's like a show home and if I lived in somewhere like this I don't think I'd be able to just relax in such a vast open plan apartment where the entire ground floor/first floor is one room and there is a very slippery looking spiral staircase up to the bedrooms and bathroom. Everything is so ultra-modern, streamline and minimalist and although I hate clutter it would be too empty for me. I turn away from the apartment and look out over the city. It's such a stunning view from up here and I can see for miles. Well, I probably can't but it feels like it. The glass doors slide open and the two of them come out to join me.

"Hey, Alex, I didn't know. I'm so sorry," Tom apologises. Nadia nods at the door and he follows her lead and goes inside.

"I'm sorry for setting you up with him! I thought you were still single, but then I was chatting to Becky and she told me about Leonard so I came right over here to make sure that he was just being friendly. But then I heard him saying about the possibility of you two going out sometime and I had to tell him what was going on," Nadia explains.

"Don't worry about it. Leonard and I aren't together yet anyway, but thanks for telling Tom," I say. I'm sort of regretting lying that Leonard's single, but I thought that Becky would just keep it to herself rather than telling Nadia, who told Tom. Now, if anyone asks Tom how it went with me out here he will tell them the whole story. I don't want this to be spread around, and if Leonard and I do get together than in time he will meet these people and find out that I lied. Or, I'll have to tell him that I lied about him, although by that time we will have been together for a while so I'm sure he'll accept it. If he can cope with having Dr Cooper as a roommate then my lie will be easy for him to tolerate. My mind is buzzing but I can't get ahead of myself. Leonard hasn't even text me back yet.

Josh comes out onto the balcony and he looks so smart and his clothes are so formal that I feel even more under-dressed in my jeans.

"It's a beautiful place you've got here," I smile. He really is good looking, but I still prefer Leonard. My smile widens.

"Thanks. Do you girls want to come inside? Becky and I have a little announcement to make," he tells us.

"Sure," Nadia grins and we follow him inside. He goes over to Becky and she turns the music off.

"Can I have your attention everyone? Tonight, we have something awesome to celebrate," Josh starts. Everyone turns to him. "I'm frequently asked if I get lonely, being in this big apartment on my own. The answer to that is yes, often I think it would be amazing to share all this with someone. But recently, it's been all I can think about."

"And from tomorrow, he will be able to share it with someone all the time. We're moving in together!" Becky announces excitedly.

I'm shocked, I suppose they have been together for about a year and a half so they definitely know each other well enough, but Becky hasn't hinted anything to me. Everyone starts congratulating them, but Josh stays where he is.

"Actually, there is another reason to celebrate tonight," he declares. Becky looks just as shocked as me, so I can tell that she has no more idea what's going on than everyone else. She turns to face Josh and they stand a short distance apart. "Becky, I'm going to keep this short and sweet just like you. I couldn't imagine a day without you and I don't want to ever have to. I love you."

"What's happening?" Becky whispers, eyes wide. It's pretty clear what's happening, as Josh gets down on one knee and pulls and little black box out of his blazer pocket.

"Rebecca Lilly Solomon, will you marry me?"

"Oh my God! Yes!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Sorry for the late update! I have just gone back to school, so it's harder to find the time to write. **

**When this chapter references Les Miserables, I know that it wasn't premiered on television then but it fitted in with the story to say that it had. Also, there are a few little spoilers for Les Miserables.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Becky and any other OCs.**

It has only been two weeks since Becky moved in with her fiancé but it feels like forever. I know it sounds selfish and I am happy for her, but I wish that she'd considered what would happen to me. I mean, I'm okay but I won't really be able to afford to keep renting this apartment because we used to pay one half each. As Brittany suggested, I could find a new roommate but there would be too many memories of living here with Becky. Also, I think because I have lived here ever since I moved to California, this is my opportunity to try something different and live on my own. I have never lived alone before, so this will be a new experience but I'm up for a challenge.

To be honest, I haven't actually seen Becky since the day she moved out although we text and call each other all the time. That's all going to change today, because I have arranged with an estate agent to look around three apartments that I found on the internet and Becky said that it was 'the least she could do' to go with me. I agreed and so today, Saturday, we are going apartment hunting.

The viewings are all booked for the afternoon because Becky had the job interview for UCLA this morning. She sent off her resume, CV and a cover letter a while ago and it was only last Thursday that she was called to say that they wanted her to come at twelve o'clock today for a formal interview. I have no idea how it went, but she is very intelligent and passionate about psychology, particularly social and clinical psychology, so I'm sure she'll get the job.

I'm driving up to the apartment block right now, and the neighbourhood seems nice and friendly. A man in his late thirties wearing a black and white suit is standing outside his car with a clipboard that says the name of the estate agent company on the back. It's the one I have arranged with, so I park the car near him and walk the rest of the way over.

"Hello there, I'm Liam. I'm guessing you're Miss Jensen?"

"Hi! That's me, but call me Alex," I greet as we shake hands. I notice that he looks ridiculously like the comedian David Mitchell, but I don't say anything.

"Hello, sorry if I'm a bit late. I just had a job interview and they were a bit delayed as the person before me took ages for some reason."

It takes a few seconds before I realise that the woman hurrying up to us is Becky. Her long ginger hair is tied up into a tight high bun and she is wearing a white ruffle blouse, silky grey pencil skirt and sleek black high heels. As she introduces herself to Liam, I notice that she has had a French manicure rather than painting her nails in bright clashing colours. I also see that she's wearing her engagement ring, which is elegant but understated. Becky looks like she has grown up by about ten years in two weeks. I knew that she would tone down her zany look for the job interview, but she looks like a completely different person.

"So, how did the interview go?" I ask as we start walking down the street.

"Very well!"

"Oh my God, you got the job! I knew you would do..."

"No, I don't know yet. They said they will call me on Monday if I have the job," Becky interrupts.

"Oh, okay. I just thought because with my job I found out right away that Dr Cooper was hiring me," I explain.

"That's because with your job, you were the only candidate and it was only to be an assistant," she scoffs patronisingly. "This is a serious job at a University, where I can start to design my own experiments with the help of some incredible psychology professors."

"Wow, sounds impressive," I say. I know that I'm only a research assistant and not a scientist in my own right yet, but it hurts to be looked down on like that. Particularly by Becky, who... hang on a second.

I'm distracted by the apartment complex in front of us. It looks almost as luxurious as Josh's penthouse apartment but in a different way, with wide white balconies on every level, interesting architecture and even a large swimming pool in the centre courtyard. The walls are mostly covered by the tall lush palm trees that surround the pool, but you can see that they are rich terracotta red with the window borders and architectural details in a crisp, untainted white.

"Here it is," Liam smiles. Slowly, I realise that he is looking in the opposite direction at a far smaller apartment block. There seems to be nothing _wrong _with it as such, but it is just bare red brick with a couple of smaller trees around the front. It seems perfectly nice and I don't need luxury obviously, our last apartment isn't, but I'm still disappointed. As we enter the lobby, Liam lists the positives about this location and why this apartment is an 'amazing' deal for what it is.

We enter the apartment and have a look around. It is basic to the point of being utilitarian. I know that I can change the dull décor to an extent, but I can't change the size of the tiny living room/kitchen. I really don't mind that those rooms are as one, but it's so small that you would only just fit my sofa and my TV stand (I know I could get a bracket and mount my TV on the wall, but I tend to shy away from DIY) in as well as the kitchen cabinets. After we step in the tiny bathroom (one by one because of the size), we go into the bedroom. The bedroom has just about enough space for a single bed, but that's about it.

"As you can see, this place is very cosy," Liam continues. He has been going on about how great this apartment is the entire time, but I'm not convinced. Changing the walls and furniture won't make this place any bigger and the bedroom is so small that I wouldn't be able to fit a wardrobe or even bedside cabinet in there as well. It would literally be a _bed_room.

"Unfortunately, I just don't think this place is big enough. There's not enough place for storage," I explain to Liam as we leave the apartment.

"That's completely your decision and we do have two more properties to get through, so let's go," Liam accepts. He doesn't seem to mind and I think he must have realised that I wouldn't have enough space to live here.

One apartment down, two to go.

* * *

Our next option is on a busy street, a bit further into town compared to the first apartment that was in the suburbs. I like the location more actually, although it's still a long way from Westwood where Becky now lives.

"Right, now the available residence here is in the back of The Comic Centre of Pasadena..." Liam starts brightly. He unlocks the closed shop door and we follow him inside.

"Wait, online it said that this apartment was above the comic book store, not behind it," I point out confusedly. The estate agent's website definitely said 'rental accommodation above a comic book centre.'

"There's no place for truth on the internet, Alex," he tells me. Becky laughs and I fake a chuckle.

We walk through the comic book store and I honestly don't think I have seen quite so many comic books in my entire life. Or superhero belt buckles, which are on a little rack on the counter. I remember that Leonard lives in Pasadena and his apartment isn't far from here. I know that he would be interested in these comic books from all the memorabilia in his apartment, so does he come here?

"It's just through here," Liam says, pointing to a bead curtain hanging in a doorway at the back of the store. We go inside and there's a second doorway on the right, this time with a proper door, so we open it.

I step through first, into a small room. Apart from stacks of cardboard boxes with names of various superheroes scribbled on the side in black marker pen, there is a single bed and a tired looking cupboard with two drawers in the other corner with a little dusty red lamp on the top. Despite it being mid-afternoon, it is very dark. The only source of light is the two high windows on the top of the wall opposite the door we just came in from, although there is an overhead light covered in a blanket of cobwebs. On the left of the room, there is another door, so I peek inside. It's a small bathroom, with a tiny window high above the sink and a toilet opposite.

"Where's the bath?" Becky asks, from the doorway. There are so many questions I want to ask about this 'apartment', but the bath seems a good place to start.

"Ah, good question. This bathroom is also a shower room, with full plumbing. The tiled floor dips down into a little plug, so that the water will run away. Up here, on the ceiling is the shower head," Liam answers, pointing up. I just stare at him, then the shower head and back again. There's not even a bath or shower cubicle.

"What about a kitchen?" I question, walking back into the bedroom.

"Uh, that is a downside to choosing this... residence, but..." he starts. Surely he must see that this place is completely unsuitable?

"I don't mean to be rude, but is it even possible to live here?" Becky asks feistily.

"Well, the store owner Stuart lived here for a number of years before moving in with one of his friends," Liam answers.

"He must have been pretty broke," she mutters.

"I can tell that you are not sure about this option, but it is an excellent location," he says, turning to me. "Let's go. Onwards and upwards!"

Liam walks back out through the store, but Becky holds me back.

"Look, I'm happy to lend you some money until you get back on your feet. I know that Dr Cooper doesn't pay you very well and tuition fees are going up..."

"I can look after myself," I tell her irritably.

"I know, but I'm sure that Josh wouldn't mind helping too. It wouldn't make a lot of difference to us if we just lend you a couple of thousand. If I get this job at UCLA, then we will both work full time at well-paid jobs..."

"What are you trying to say? Just because I'm single and an assistant, while you're getting a much better job and have a lawyer fiancé doesn't mean you're better than me," I snap.

"Hey, that's not what I meant! But what's happened to you, Alex? Before you got that job, you were one of least argumentative people I know, the peacemaker in our friendship group and now, it's like you're completely different. You've changed, Alex. I think it was the job that did it."

I ignore her as she calls after me and I rush through the comic book store to catch up with Liam. He is waiting outside with his clipboard and a concerned expression.

"Is everything okay, Alex?"

"Yeah, just going through some stuff right now. These last weeks just seem to have been all change," I explain. He still looks worried, so I push my feelings aside and smile. "Come on, let's go and see option three."

* * *

The third apartment is in an apartment block like the first. We drive to it in Liam's car, Becky and him in the front chatting and me in the back looking quietly out the window. It's not like me to be this quiet, and I'm not sulking but I can't believe how unsuitable the last places have been. The first one was far too small and the second was basically a storeroom. Self-centred as it sounds, I can't help wishing that Becky had never moved out and we could stay living together in our apartment.

"All right, this is the apartment block we're looking at," he informs us as we park in the small car park. We are on the outskirts of Pasadena, so somewhere in between the first and second places. The apartment block has four floors and parts of its walls are painted white, the other parts left bare pale brown bricks. We enter the lobby and see that the elevator isn't working, and I smile as I remember that it's the same in Leonard's building. As we climb the stairs, I see that everything seems spotless and so the maintenance must be good. "The apartment in question is on the second floor. I think you'll like this one, Alex, I have saved the best 'til last."

"I hope so," I smile. He unlocks the door and we all go inside.

On the left, there is a kitchenette which we look at first. Liam explains all the facilities like the oven, sink and fridge and it is far superior to the last place. It's not as good as my kitchen in my current apartment, but it will do and everything is functioning so I can't complain. The mixture of laminate flooring and magnolia white walls reminds me of a hotel.

We walk past the little round wooden dining table to a lounge area with a TV mounted on the far wall and a corner sofa facing it. The room is light and airy although it is quite small. But compared to the others, it's huge. On the left of the sofa is a door, which I discover leads to a little bathroom that luckily includes a proper shower cubicle. I'm used to occasionally having relaxing baths, but I can go without.

"Can we see the bedroom?" I ask, walking back into the living room.

"Sure, this way," he responds and we go through the other door. It's a reasonable size, smaller than my bedroom now but I don't mind and there's a large window that lets in light, unlike at the comic book store.

However, Becky doesn't seem impressed. I watch her take in the room, deep in thought. She is probably thinking that this whole apartment is a similar size to her balcony.

"Alex..."

"Sorry, how much is the rent for this place again?" I ask Liam, ignoring her.

He answers me and it's at the top of my price range, but I can pay it.

"Sounds great. I'll take it," I grin.

* * *

A week later, I'm in my new apartment; the third option. As soon as Becky moved out, I told my landlord at the time that I would be doing the same. With the agreement I had to give two months' notice, but I only gave him one. Unfortunately, this means that this month I'll have to pay for two apartments' rent, but after that it will just be for this place.

I have only just moved in, (literally, I'm watching the moving van drive away) and it feels strange that I'll never go back to my old apartment. I lived there for two years and now someone else will be in there soon. I turn away from the window and look around my new home. A few hours earlier, I was alone in my old apartment because Becky and I haven't talked since last Saturday. I remembered that when I was little and I went on holiday with my parents, just before we returned home I used to run into every room and whisper goodbye. In a bizarre way, I was tempted to do the same with my apartment, but before I could, the moving van had arrived.

However, right now I'm surrounded by boxes. I am so sick of boxes. It's so much colder than I thought it would be in here, although I suppose it is December. To take my mind off everything, I choose to make a start on the unpacking. Firstly, I put some music on (Taylor Swift- my favourite singer) and open a box at random. It's full of fiction novels and I pick one carefully off the top. It has a fruity scent, but then after using new boxes your books always smell like melons. As much as I try and focus on stacking the long bookshelf, I can't stop thinking about my argument with Becky last week. We have been best friends for years and I wish that she was here. Sighing, I pick up the phone and call her.

"Hey Becky, it's me. Alex."

"Oh. Hi," she stumbles. I can hear the surprise in her voice and I suppose that she thought that she would have to make contact first, as we're not speaking at the moment.

"Look, I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about what happened on Saturday. You are the least snobbish person I know and it's ridiculous that I thought you were implying you're better than me. I'm sorry," I apologise.

"It's okay, I forgive you. I honestly didn't mean to sound patronising, but that comic book store backroom was horrible."

"I know right! And that 'shower'! I think I would rather get washed in the Ganges with a cut on my leg then use that thing," I chuckle.

A while later, I'm off the phone. We agreed to go out tonight and celebrate my new place, but she promised to make sure I pace myself with tequila! I text Nadia, Molly and Tasha about tonight. Tasha is another of our friends that I haven't seen for a while, apart from the party at Josh's apartment when he proposed. Looking around at the boxes, I know that I should be unpacking and making this place into a home, rather than the apartment I just bought, but there just seems like so much work and the move was exhausting. Usually, I'm not a procrastinator but I decide to wait until a bit later before I start sorting through everything.

I sit down on the sofa and turn the TV on. Having not seen Leonard much over the last month, I have been attempting to take my mind off him. He still hasn't text me, apart from when he replied to my text when I said it was nice having coffee with him and that I'm always available if he wants to talk more. I ended it with two smiley faces (I considered just one but two seemed right) and later that evening he sent a text back saying:

**Hi Alex, I enjoyed coffee with you too! Good news, the guy at school with her doesn't seem to be hitting on her after all **

I didn't reply. Not because I was annoyed about one of their many relationship issues being sorted out, but because I wasn't sure what I could say that would sound right. I felt obliged to agree with him, but that would give the impression that I want them to be together, which I obviously don't. If I had said anything negative, it would sound cruel and of course I didn't want that. Anyway, that was weeks ago and we still haven't contacted each other. With moving house and everything, I haven't had time to call Leonard although I have kept thinking about him just as much.

I flick through the TV channels, but there's no escape from romance. All the programmes seem to be about relationships. Obviously romantic comedies and shows like that, but sitcoms and dramas are obsessed with it too. Marshall and Lily from How I Met Your Mother, then Ross and Rachel from Friends and finally I settle on the most recent version of Les Miserables. It's the part where the main couple, Cosette and Marius, sing 'A Heart Full of Love'. I watch as Eponine looks on at the couple. Eponine has loved Marius forever, or at least that's how long it feels like to her. I can see that her heart is breaking as she sees them together and I suppose that I'm like her, in a way.

As I watch the tears form in Eponine's eyes, I become completely absorbed in the film and the beautiful music. I feel like I'm there, with Cosette's long blonde hair, Marius' glossy brown hair and expressive dark brown eyes. Eponine's long brunette hair and the way that he will never feel the same way about her as he does about his girlfriend. I turn the TV off abruptly and the room falls into silence.

Yes, I know that this will sound crazy but it all seems too real. This is so much like my situation now with the sort of love triangle I'm in, even though the film is set in the French revolution and my story is happening now, obviously, in 2012. The worst thing is that although Eponine loves Marius, I know that they never get together. Instead, Cosette marries Marius, and Eponine never even comes close to being anything more than his friend. It ends in tragedy for her, but it doesn't have to be like that for me. If Penny's commitment issues are anything to go by, there's no chance of them getting married soon and Leonard, although he seems to be unaware that I hit on him, his eyes seem to say different. The desperate look when Penny pulled him out of his apartment, the hope in his eyes when he suggested that I join him at lunch... unlike in Les Miserables, I think my 'Marius' wants a little more for us than simply friendship. It's too late for Eponine's happy ending, but it's not too late for me.

* * *

"So, what do you say?"

I'm sitting opposite Dr Cooper, in his office. As it's we are getting into December, I thought that now would be a good time to talk to him about having some time off for Christmas. Every year, I go back to Iowa for a week or so and stay at my Auntie's house with my parents, cousins, aunts and uncles and we have a big family Christmas together. It's not always happy families, and there are inevitable fall-outs when so many people stay in the same house together, but I love going.

As Dr Cooper wouldn't even let me have a lunch break at first, I think it might be a bit futile to ask him for a week's break, but I have tried to argue my case. I watch him intently as he looks up, deep in thought. I think I might have won him round.

"Why is Christmas the only time that fir trees are allowed indoors?"

Exasperated, I decide to drop the subject for now and try again later. Sometimes with my boss you just have to let things go.

"Can I have my lunch break now?"

"Yes, provided that you take no longer than twelve minutes," he allows.

"Thank you, Dr Cooper."

As I get my lunch from the cafeteria, I can't help wondering if I'll ever persuade Dr Cooper to let me have some time off. It would only be for a few days, and so far I haven't had any other time off, but he's not the most understanding person. Carrying my lunch tray, I look around the cafeteria to find a free table and I spot Mr Wolowitz and Dr Koothrappali together, but without Leonard. I pick a table and sit down. Leonard's friends are having a heated discussion about something and I think it's weird that Dr Koothrappali is so confident and chatty with his friends, but silent in front of me. I remember telling Becky about it (I thought as she's a psychology grad student she might understand better than me) and she suggested that he possibly has Selective mutism. I wonder about this as I see Leonard. Without thinking, I beckon him over with an overly-enthusiastic grin. So much for playing it cool.

Mr Wolowitz also beckons him over to their table, but Leonard shakes his head at him. He comes over and sits down opposite me.

"Hi!"

"Hey, Alex. You all right?" He asks concernedly, sipping from his coke can.

"Yeah, I'm great. Better now you're here," I answer. I know that was a bit clique, but after the Les Miserables revelation I'm not taking any chances.

"Oh, good. It's just that you looked pretty down about something when I was back there," Leonard explains. "Come on, you can tell me. I told you about the girlfriend situation a few weeks back."

"Okay then, it's my turn in our little support group," I grin and he smiles back as I lean in. "Every year for Christmas, I go back to Des Moines where I grew up for a big family Christmas. All my family comes for about a week and I always really look forward to it. But this time around, I don't think that Dr Cooper is going to let me have the time off work."

"Oh God. Your boss is the direct opposite of understanding. I'll talk him around for you, if that's okay," the physicist offers. After being with Dr Kripke and Dr Cooper all day, it's great to be with someone so caring.

"That's more than okay, it would be awesome. Thank you."

"Don't worry about it," he replies sensitively. He pauses and then continues, "Of course, I've never really had a proper family Christmas, so I'm not sure what's it's like."

"Ooh, another support group session. Go on, share with the group," I grin, gesturing around our table as though there's other people around. He chuckles, but his grin soon subsides.

"Well, my family are all crazy academics and when I was a kid the only things we celebrated were achievements, although nothing I did was ever seen as that. We studied Christmas for its anthropological and psychological implications on human society," he explains sadly.

"Sounds fun," I respond sarcastically.

"I know. Oh, and the best part is that instead of presents we presented papers and then our separate focus groups assessed each other. I got a 'C' three years in a row."

"Tough break," I say sympathetically. Someone like Leonard shouldn't have been put through that.

"Hey, I've moved on. It doesn't matter now," Leonard shrugs. His eyes are showing the exact opposite, but I don't comment and just smile in what I hope to be a compassionate way.

"... and as Paris Hilton says, 'the only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you'..." Dr Koothrappali trails off as he walks past us with Mr Wolowitz. He stopped talking as soon as he came near to me and now has an expression like a frightened puppy.

"Sorry about him. He can't talk in front of women," Leonard apologises.

"If you don't mind me asking, does he suffer with Selective mutism?"

"Yeah, that's our current theory. How did you work it out?"

"My best friend Becky is a psychology grad student. I told her the symptoms and she gave me her diagnosis. Becky knows a lot about the subject, she's like a psychology search engine," I explain.

"She's probably heard of my mother then; she's an award-winning psychiatrist and analytical neuroscientist," he tells me interestedly.

"Ooh, I'll have to ask her. What's her name?"

"Dr Beverly Hofstadter. Please don't read her books though, they're... well... just don't read them," Leonard pleads, suddenly looking embarrassed.

"I'll keep them at arm's length," I agree and thankfully he looks relieved.

"So, how do you know Becky?"

"When I moved to California two years ago, I was looking for a roommate at the same time as she put an advert online. We moved in together almost immediately and we've been best friends ever since."

"Lucky you, I bet she doesn't make you organise your cereals by fibre content," Leonard comments bitterly.

"No, she doesn't," I laugh. "I mean, she _didn't_. Since about three weeks ago we don't live together anymore."

"Oh, what happened?"

"Well, we were at this intense party at her boyfriend's place where they not only announced that they're moving in together, but he proposed as well." Leonard looks surprised, so I continue. "They're getting married sometime next summer, but they haven't set a date yet."

"Wow! I know it's not very manly, but I love weddings. Deep down, I'm a real romantic," he admits.

"Me too," I agree honestly. I pause slightly and boldly decide to have a thinly veiled jab at Penny. "I just don't get people that can't cope with romance. Why are some people so terrified of commitment?"

"I don't know. Often, they would commit for their female friends or dream acting job, but not for their boyfriend," Leonard exclaims. "Uh, I mean, for their girlfriend or boyfriend or, uh, whatever. Then they just say 'I don't know' when you ask them if they love you, but I think that for the right person you just know. I can't really explain it. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think I do," I answer quietly, meeting his gaze. Indulgently, I let myself be caught up in his eyes and a comfortable silence forms between us.

Suddenly, Leonard breaks eye contact and shakes his head to the side guiltily as though he's shaking out unwanted thoughts. I wonder if they were about me, and he feels guilty because he's with Penny. I glance down at my watch and see that although Dr Cooper told me to be no more than twelve minutes, I have been well over twenty.

"Oh God, I really have to get back to work. I told Dr Cooper that I'd be back ages ago," I gasp, pushing my chair back clumsily and standing up. "It's been great having lunch with you Le- wait, where are you going?"

"I'm coming too. I told you that I would try and persuade Dr Cooper to let you have Christmas off. I never break a promise. Well, occasionally... okay, I _try_ to never break a promise."

A short while later, we're outside my boss's office.

"You know, having Christmas off would be a lot easier to arrange if you quit working for him," Leonard tells me.

"I told you, I still want this job!"

"You're insane, Alex, but I like you that way," he grins. "Wish me luck!"

I wait outside as Leonard goes into Dr Cooper's office to confront him. Although I can hear their voices, I can't quite make out the words. Not for the first time, it's Leonard to the rescue. He is so helpful and caring unlike lots of people in my life are acting at the moment. After about five minutes, the experimental physicist comes back into the corridor with a triumphant expression.

"Looks like someone's going to Iowa for Christmas," he remarks with a gorgeous half-smile.

"Oh, thank you! How on earth did you get him to agree to that?"

"Magic," he answers, making a big gesture and waving his hands. I laugh. "No, actually I just made him think about it logically and quoted Spock's last words. Quoting Spock never fails with him."

"Good to know. Well, thanks again. It means a lot."

"No problem. Think of it as a little Christmas present from me," he grins and starts to walk back down the corridor.

"Bye!"

I watch him until he disappears around the corner. What he doesn't realise is that this lunch break with him has been the best present he could have given me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hi again! I'm sorry if Penny is shown in a negative light, particularly in this chapter, but that's only because it's all from Alex's point of view, not mine. Okay, on with the story!**

Yesterday was my first day back at work after my Christmas week in Des Moines. Apart from the inevitable little issues like Mom drinking one too many glasses of eggnog and bringing up some guy that Auntie Alison had apparently 'stole' from her in tenth grade, and then of course the turkey incident. You don't have to study physics like me to know that a 50cm long turkey and a 40cm oven wouldn't mix, but was I listened to? No. Of course, when my cousin Clark was attempting to ram the oven door shut with various pieces of kitchen furniture, I'm pretty sure everyone knew what I had warned them about. Anyway, I loved spending time with my family and it was all worth it. I hadn't realised how much I missed Iowa. Being back in my little apartment on my own made me remember how happy I am when I'm over there. Excluding Auntie Alison and Uncle Todd, all of my family are in Iowa. Not all in Des Moines obviously (except at Christmas and different celebrations when we all come together), but they're only a short drive away.

Dr Cooper has completely ignored the fact that I had been away. Having said that, he did make a few badly disguised comments about how slaves in the middle ages wouldn't have been allowed to 'skive off on a hippy holiday'.

Yesterday, Dr Cooper came up with a bizarre idea that what he says in his sleep possibly contains a theory that could lead to his Nobel Prize. After spending all day with him, I still have to go over to his apartment and collect the recordings he has of his sleep talking. The last thing I want to do is see him again today, but I'm hoping for at least a glimpse of Leonard, which makes it all worthwhile. I'm climbing the stairs now and wondering if the outfit I picked out specifically is okay. I'm wearing a cosy purple jumper and very dark blue jeans. I reach the door of 4A and knock firmly. Dr Cooper answers the door.

"Oh, hello Alex. Uh, let me go get you last night's recordings," he greets from the doorway. I immediately spot Leonard next to the over-sized Jenga set that my boss was telling me about.

"What recordings?" Leonard asks puzzled.

"Well, remember when you told me that I talk in my sleep? Well, it occurred to me that like most things I say, it's probably pure gold. So I started recording it all and now Alex gets to comb through eight hours of what I like to call 'Sheldon After Dark'," he explains. He walks down the corridor in his apartment and as soon as he's out of earshot I walk closer to Leonard. I realise that this is the first time we've been completely alone together.

"Hey, Leonard."

"Hey. Just playing a little Giant Jenga here," Leonard smiles.

"Oh, I know; I'm the one who had to buy him the helmet," I respond.

"How was your Christmas in Des Moines?"

He remembers exactly where I was! I wonder, has he been thinking about me?

"It was wonderful, thanks," I answer. I was going to go into more detail, but suddenly I remember what I was thinking about earlier. I go for it. "So, do you have any plans this weekend?"

"Well, most of Saturday is going to be figuring out where to put this game when we're done. How about you?"

"Oh, I'm gonna go see Kip Thorne give a lecture on subatomic space-time," I tell him. Straight away I can see I've got his attention as he stops pulling out the Jenga piece and looks up at me.

"Ooh! That's his take on John Wheeler's quantum foam. That should be great," he comments excitedly.

"Well, if you want you can come with me," I offer. After months of dreaming, I've finally asked him out!

"Ah, I'd love to but I'm supposed to be hanging out with Penny."

That's the first time he has sort of implied that they are going out. I mean, he has talked about his girlfriend and he was there when I met Penny but he hasn't made a link between them. I suppose they could be hanging out as friends, but I know different.

"Well, bring her," I suggest, knowing full well that she would hate this kind of lecture. In fact, she would feel the same about any lecture, probably. Maybe now he'll start to see that I'm better for him than she is.

"Well, she's not really into that kind of stuff," he replies, pulling out the piece of Jenga.

"Yeah, okay," I accept, but this Eponine won't give up on her Marius that easily. "Well, if you want to hear about the lecture I can tell you all about it at work, or, you know, over dinner sometime."

"What?" Leonard questions, shocked. He jolts upright suddenly. The whole tower of Jenga collapses and I hurry out of the way.

"Giant Jenga, I win!" Dr Cooper cries, running into the room. Still grinning, he practically bounces over to me and hands me the recordings from his pocket with a flourish. "I present to you last night edition of 'Sheldon After Dark'."

"Thank you, Dr Cooper," I say, slipping the USB into my brown leather bag. I make my way towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alex, I'm sorry," Leonard begins as he follows me.

"Don't be; you've done nothing wrong," I comfort shakily. I give my boss a weak smile and leave.

The apartment block is all too quiet as I rush down the stairs. Leonard turned me down, even though Penny wasn't there. After the long build up, this is a terrible anti-climax. As I drive home, I have to fight through the tears blurring my vision to keep my eyes on the road. Really, Leonard was just being faithful to his girlfriend and I guess that's another example of what a great boyfriend he would be, but it still hurts. I try and distract myself by turning the radio on and upbeat pop music floods the car. It's all too catchy song that I have found incredibly irritating since the first time I heard it, so I choose to ignore it and think about how to progress with Leonard. I think he does want to be with me, but he's just being loyal because he's in a relationship. By the time I reach the next traffic lights, I'm singing along enthusiastically and multi-tasking with driving and dancing.

* * *

After the Leonard incident last night, I was dreading coming into work today. It hasn't been too bad so far, although I did pass Leonard in the corridor earlier which was kind of awkward. I just said hi, which he returned with a nervous smile. It's nearly Dr Cooper's lunch break, and I hope I don't have to help him with his lunch and risk another uncomfortable Leonard situation. At the moment, I'm doing some tiresome filing in my boss's office.

"Alex, check my schedule. What does my afternoon look like?" Dr Cooper asks.

"I think it's pretty wide open," I answer, scrolling down on my phone. "Oh, wait. Here's something at four o'clock. 'Give Alex a talking to'?"

"Well, that snuck up on us, didn't it?" Dr Cooper remarks, however he definitely knows because I obviously haven't put that reminder on there and so he must have. But what could I have possibly done to deserve a talking to? He certainly wasn't there at Auntie Alison's wedding (don't worry- we resolved all that as soon as I arrived in Des Moines!)

"Is there a problem?"

"Let's not call it a problem. Let's call it an opportunity... to solve a serious problem," he tells me as I sit down opposite him.

"What did I do?"

"You don't know? Oh, you poor dear. Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice into your brains you don't even know which way is up. You made an inappropriate sexual advance towards Dr Hofstadter," Dr Cooper explains.

"What? I didn't make a sexual advance on anybody," I counter indignantly.

"Now, there's no need to get defensive. I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day."

"What?"

"Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time."

"This conversation is making me uncomfortable," I tell him carefully once I have comprehended what he is saying. How dare he say something like that?

"Yeah, you and me both, sister. Now, please understand, I don't hold you responsible for your behaviour because, see, from an evolutionary standpoint, you're a slave to your desire to reproduce. But during the work day, when you feel possessed by amorous intent, may I suggest that you suppress it by leafing through this illustrated book of sexually transmitted diseases?" Dr Cooper suggests, sitting on the front of his desk. He shows me the disgusting book, complete with real photos of disease-ridden body parts. "Let's see here. Oh, yes. Check out this oozy doozy."

"I have to go," I snap, standing up abruptly.

"So does this fellow, but he can't without it burning like hot soup!"

I give him my most powerful glare and slam the door behind me. My long brown hair swaying behind me, I walk briskly away. I'm not sure where I'm going but I'm getting as far away from Dr Cooper as I can. The Human Resources department seems the best place to go, so that's where I'm heading now. The only problem is that I'm not completely sure where it is. As I leave the physics department, I walk past a woman that looks around Leonard's age. She reminds me of him actually, with her curly brown hair, dark brown eyes and black rimmed glasses. She's even wearing a stripy hoodie, skinny blue jeans and a bright T-shirt. It's like she's the female version of him.

"Excuse me, do you know where the Human Resources department is?" I ask.

"Yes, I do," she answers, and continues walking towards the physics labs.

"Wait, I mean, could you tell me where it is, please?"

"Sure, I'll take you there now," female Leonard grins, unscrewing the cap of her bottle of water.

"Oh, thank you."

"Don't mention it," the woman shrugs. We walk down an unfamiliar corridor and I'm already feeling lost, but somehow I think I can trust her. "So, what's the problem?"

"Problem?"  
"You're going to HR; it can't all be rainbows and unicorns."

"Oh, right. Dr Cooper, my boss..."

"Hey, so you're Dr Dumbass's new assistant? Rather you than me," she comments, raising her eyebrows. "I'm Leslie, by the way."  
"Alex. So, how do you know Dr Cooper?" I question. I have calmed down a lot after the office ordeal, but I still can't wait to explain the situation to someone in HR.

"Long story short, we used to work quite closely together although I haven't seen him for a while. Apparently he's got a new arch nemesis; Will Wheaton. You know, Wesley Crusher from Star Trek? I can't see it myself, but I heard he played the 'dead Meemaw card', whatever that is, and Dr Dumbass went even nuttier than he was before. I'm willing to hand the job over, though winding him up was hilarious. You should have been there when I corrected his equation! Ah, good times. Oh, and his roommate and I used to belong to this little orchestra group, years back," Leslie explains.

"Oh, Leonard? What instrument does he play?"

"The cello. He's a master of handling a beautiful piece of wood between his legs," she sighs wistfully.

"You're talking about the cello, right?"

"Okay, we're here. Just knock on the door. Tell the guys I said hi."

"Will do. Thanks again," I call after her as she walks back the other way. Leslie seems nice... but maybe a little strange. Anyway, I love the idea of Leonard being musical and the cello is a very serene instrument. When I was younger, I used to play the clarinet. I still have it somewhere. Meanwhile, the door of the HR department is closed and I knock on it decisively.

"Come in."

* * *

I spent the afternoon in Dr Kripke's office, going through the latest edition of Sheldon After Dark. Needless the say, he has recorded nothing vaguely Nobel Prize worthy but I'll keep looking. After all, it is my job. I haven't seen Dr Cooper since I walked out, but it's just past four o'clock so I'm leaving. I climb down the front stone steps and see Penny heading towards the University. Her hair has obviously been curled and she's wearing red jeans and a black top with red and white dots. I want to run and hide, but I keep walking towards the car park. I calm myself down by remembering that she has no idea what's been going on with me and her boyfriend, and that Leonard turned me down anyway.

"Back off," she snarls. Although I can sense her anger and there's no one else around, I'm not going to be intimidated by her.

"Excuse me?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Tondelaya," she continues.

"Tondelaya?"

"That's what Sheldon called your character when he was telling me about you and Ricardo Shilly-Shally. Or should I say, Leonard," Penny explains sharply, glaring at me with her green eyes. I let out a small gasp without thinking. "That's right, your boss told me everything."

"I don't know what you're..."

"I know you hit on him, and I know he loved it," she snaps. Penny freezes as she realises what she has just told me. He loved it! "But, like, just 'cause he's pretty insecure, not-"

"Of course he's insecure, you never appreciate him! I know all about you two as well, like the fact you have never told him you love him," I interrupt.

"Actually, a few weeks back, I did. And now, we're happier than ever together," Penny smiles smugly.

"Yeah, well, it took you long enough. Leonard deserves better than that..." I start confidently but deep down I'm so nervous. "... and I can give him that."

"Look, I don't know what you're game is but I'm his girlfriend and that's how it's going to stay. If you're waiting for us to split up, don't hold your breath. We're not going to be ruined by some grad student who thinks she knows everything. You've obviously got it into your head that's there's a way for you two but, like, it's just some stupid schoolgirl fantasy," she tells me cuttingly, coming even together. "But if you try to make that fantasy a reality, I won't be responsible for my actions. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, okay," I falter.

"There is no Leonard and you," Penny continues, visibly calming down as though she thinks I have been 'dealt with'.

"Keep telling yourself that," I smirk, starting to walk away.

"Whatever!" Penny groans, rolling her eyes. We go our separate ways, but she calls after me, "and Leonard isn't that funny!"

I laugh confidently to show that I think she's being pathetic rather than menacing. Really, I did let her get to me and I think that she has a lot of strength. Physically, I mean. I can mostly keep calm under pressure, but I would be pretty much useless in a physical confrontation. But it won't come to that.

Starting my car engine, I wonder what Penny was doing at the University. From what Dr Cooper has mentioned, I get the impression that she doesn't visit Leonard at work. I guess she must be making more of an effort as I'm a threat to their relationship. Also, I get the feeling that she was hoping to confront me about Leonard. Thinking about it, I should go to 4A tonight. It might seem like the worst idea ever considering the fact that Leonard and me aren't really talking at the moment and that I filed a complaint against Dr Cooper today, but Penny will probably be at work as I think she works in the evenings most days. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure she'll be gone and I can settle the awkwardness with Leonard by saying that I couldn't resist it with him. Maybe, I can tell him how I really feel... but I'll take things slowly and assess the situation as I go. I can't wait!

* * *

Later that night, I'm climbing the stairs up to 4A for what feels like the millionth time. I freeze just before I turn the final corner; I'm sure I heard a door open. I can see it's not the door to 4A, but it sounded close so it must be 4B; Penny's apartment. Before I can hurry back down the stairs, I hear something else.

"I'm sorry Alex hit on me, hit on me, hit on me. I'm sorry Alex hit on me, I'd no idea I'm cute," Leonard sings as he plays his cello.

"Oh, damn it. You are," Penny responds and I can hear the smile in her voice.

"Please forgive me. I should have told you about Alex," he apologises desperately. He sounds so depressed that I want to go and give him a hug, but now is probably not the right time to suddenly appear and be affectionate towards him.

"I don't care about Alex. Fine, I care. Okay, I hate that bitch. But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. I mean, do I need to be worried?"

Yes, Penny. Yes you do.

"Of course not, no. Why?"

Leonard's just saying that to comfort his girlfriend. People lie to save other's feelings all the time.

"Because she's pretty and smart, and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said," she sighs. I really shouldn't be listening to this. I lean in closer.

"You do that?"

"No!" Penny denies, a little too defiantly.

Leonard speaks again, but they must have gone into her apartment because I can't quite make out the words. If I go any closer to them, they'll see me and I can't risk that. Instead, I creep back down the stairs and decide to make sure neither of them ever finds out that I was there.

* * *

First thing the next morning, I'm in Dr Cooper's office. Until about thirty seconds ago, we hadn't seen each other since I stormed out.

"It has been pointed out to me that some of the things I said to you could be construed as offensive, and I would like to offer you my sincerest apology," he tells me.

"Thank you, Dr Cooper."

"Yeah, additionally, you should know that the university has mandated that I take an online sexual harassment seminar so this sort of thing doesn't happen in the future."

"Okay," I respond simply.

"Yeah. Now, unfortunately, uh, my time is much too valuable to waste on nonsense like this, so, um, I'm gonna need you to take it for me. Oh, and, uh, you'd better ace it, they're pretty mad," he orders, handing me his laptop and walking out.

I sigh, but I don't have much choice but to just get on with the seminar.

* * *

I don't know where to go from here. Leonard turned me down and Penny is threatening me, but I know almost for definite that he is interested in me. He saved my job, persuaded my boss to let me have Christmas off, said 'you're insane, Alex, but I like you that way' and now Penny has blurted out that he 'loved' that I hit on him.

But now, I don't know how I feel about breaking a couple apart. As much as I want Leonard and me to be together, I don't think that now is quite the right time for us. Dr Cooper told me that him and Penny have an on- again off-again relationship, so maybe I'll wait a little while until their relationship is off before hitting on him again. For now, I'll just be friendly with Leonard and once he is comfortable with me again, and Penny and him are breaking up for the millionth time, I'll try again. Once she has stopped trying so hard to please her boyfriend (I'm sure she's only started acting like that to keep them together), she'll forget that I was ever a threat and that's when I'll come closer to Leonard. This time I obviously over-whelmed him and I need to take things nice and slow.

There's no doubt in my mind about whether to try again, but these things take time. With me and Leonard's long future together ahead of us, what is a month or two in the grand scheme of things? I can wait a little while.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: I'm not wedding obsessed, I promise! When I first wrote about Alex's Aunt's wedding, I wasn't planning for Becky to get married as well. However, when I was writing this story earlier on, I decided on a different plot direction completely. Now I know where this story will go, but that means more detail about Becky's wedding.**

Since deciding to slow things down with Leonard a fortnight ago, my life has been a lot quieter than usual. With me and Molly's friendship having long gone past threatened and Becky living in Westwood, I've felt lonely, although I haven't told anyone that. I don't want people to think I'm just saying it for attention, and I'm more introverted than I seem anyway. I have met up a few times with an old friend Tasha and I'm often texting Becky and Brittany. That sort of balances it out a little, but I'm also finding living alone harder than I expected. Simple things are the things I miss the most, like being asked about my day after seven hours with Dr Cooper, and always having someone around to chat to. It's been quieter as in less busy, but literally as well because of the lack of background noise from Becky. She could be pretty loud and nowadays there's a lack in the random chatter department. I never really used to talk to myself much apart from the odd mutter about whatever I was doing, although now I'm trying to fight the loneliness that I'm so unaccustomed to. I guess Leonard would feel the same if he moved away from Dr Cooper, after having him ramble on about everything. I'll get used to it.

Meanwhile, Becky's life all seems to be slotting into place rather than falling apart. She got the job at UCLA that she had been longing for and her relationship with Josh is better than ever. Last Thursday, Becky told me that she would never be Mrs Rebecca Ibbotson, which is her fiancé's surname so I immediately jumped to the conclusion that they were splitting up, or at least calling off the wedding. I was shocked. But then she told me that instead she was going to be Dr Ibbotson! Becky had secretly submitted her final dissertation a while ago and it had been accepted. From now on, she's no longer a grad student and she has her doctorate, a milestone that we have both been working towards for years. Becky is moving on and I can't keep up. With her loving fiancé, doctorate and a job that can easily make a difference in her field of work; she has everything I ever wanted.

* * *

At the moment, I'm wedding dress shopping with some girlfriends in LA. It feels great to be with them all again. I haven't seen Becky this excited for a long time; she's going through these dresses like a butterfly fluttering from flower to flower. Molly is here too, but we both seem have to decided, without discussing it, that we'll put our differences aside for 're deep inside this elegant boutique with so many dresses that I don't even know where to start looking. However, Becky seems to have an idea as she picks a dress off the rail and swans into the fitting room.

"This place is amazing! Like, where else _casually_ has champagne on the table," Tasha exclaims, gesturing to the open bottle on the coffee table that we are all sitting around.

"Don't forget the _wedding cake_ there too! Becky, you totally have to get this baker to do your cake," I call through to the fitting room.

"I know! What's the bakery called?"

"Um, I don't know. I'll ask one of the staff when they come back," I answer, sipping my champagne.

"Probably called something like Delicious Delights," Nadia suggests.

"A Taste of Heaven?"

"Perfection on a Plate?"

"Excuse me, where did you get the cake from?" Molly asks the manager, Susannah, as she walks by.

"Oh, this is from Truly Scrumptious. Lovely place, picked up quite a few awards so far and it's only been going for a few years. I'll go and get one of their business cards, if you'd like?" Susannah offers.

"Sure, thanks."

"Ooh, we're finally gonna meet the makers," Tasha giggles as Molly is given a business card.

"That sounds like you're talking about God," I point out.

"Whoever made this cake _is _God," Nadia comments, cutting another slice of the red velvet cake with thick white buttercream icing.

"Okay, I'm ready!"

We look around to see Becky in a crisp gold wedding dress. It looks beautiful at first glance, but as we focus on the dress more rather than Becky herself, we notice that it's far too short at the front and too long at the back. Not to mention there's enough frills to make about five normal wedding dresses out of them.

"Mmm, it's very different," Molly says, fake smiling.

"Yeah, something unusual about it," I add.

"You guys are such bad liars. This is like the blue soup saga all over again," Becky sighs with a small smile. "Hey, it can't be that bad."

"Look in the mirror."

"Okay, I get the picture. Ugh, frills, frills, frills," she frowns as she stand in front of the full-length mirrors.

"Would you like some help picking the next one?" Susannah questions, coming back through to us.

"Yes, please. I'm looking for something sophisticated and understated without being too plain..." Becky begins.

I always thought that Becky's wedding would be very bold and striking, like her. Or how she used to be. Understated? Since when was Rebecca Solomon _understated_? I suppose since the idea of being Rebecca Ibbotson came around. The strangest thing is that she seems perfectly happy toning her clothes down, although I'm starting to wonder if she has toned her personality down too. It's such a small difference in how she's acting that the others don't seems to have noticed it, but as I have known her for years I can tell that there's a difference.

I look up and realise that I have completely zoned out and everyone is looking at me.

"What?"

"Nadia just asked you how things are going with the physicist guy, um, Lionel," Molly explains.

"He's called Leonard," I snap a bit too forcefully. "Sorry, I mean he's Leonard not Lionel. And at the moment we're just friends but I think we..."

"Why haven't you made your move yet? Becky said he's been single since at least last November. And if he's as great as you say he is, another girl is bound to be like 'ooh, I gotta get me some of that'."

"It's kind of complicated," I tell them in hope that they'll drop the subject. "Who's for seconds of the Delicious Delights cake?"

"It's from Truly Scrumptious. You're slipping."

"You're not getting away that easily, what's going on with Leonard?" Nadia asks, her Russian accent coming through stronger than usual for some reason.

"Oh, we're just taking things slow," I lie.

"That's not very complicated," Tasha points out.

"So, what do you all think?" Becky asks, thankfully drawing everyone's attention away from my love life. Her dress is white this time, very long and fitted but quite, well, _plain_. It's slightly too baggy, so that the ends of the dress pool around her feet.

"Don't worry about the size, we will tailor it for you if you think this is the one," Susannah explains, adjusting one of the shoulder straps.

"I love it, it's so elegant," Nadia smiles, going over to her in front of the mirrors.

"Yeah, I think this might be the one!" Molly exclaims.

"It's truly scrumptious," Tasha laughs.

"It sure is! Susannah, how much is this, dare I ask?" Becky questions.

Susannah answers her and it is a massive amount of money to spend on a dress like this. Seeing my surprise, Nadia mouths at me '_It's designer!' _Designer yes, but it's too basic for a wedding dress. I have nothing against designer fashion, but even if this dress was cheaper it still wouldn't be right. I watch as Becky smooths down the dull fabric. Smiling, she pulls her purse out of her bag on the coffee table. She looks happy wearing this, but not as emotional as I thought she would be, knowing her.

Since we came into this boutique, (this is our second one), one of the dresses caught my eye. It was in the window display and I thought that it was just the kind of dress that Becky would love, but I was distracted by meeting Susannah. I don't want Becky to wear a drab dress like that when I know there's one that she'd like so much more.

"Becky, can I just show you one last option before you jump into this?"

"Um, yeah. I guess so," Becky agrees, surprised.

I hurry to the window display and point out the dress I was thinking about. Susannah helps me to take it off the mannequin. She seems a little disgruntled because Becky nearly bought that dress and I have basically stopped the sale, or at least delayed it. I don't mind though; I know that Becky deserves much more than that completely unsuitable dress. Like Leonard deserves more than Penny.

"Alex, will you come with me to tie this up?"

I tell her that I will, and we go into the fitting room and I close the delicate floral curtains behind us.

"I just think that this dress is so special. I'm sure you'll love it," I say, hanging up her other dress.

"I hope so. It reminds me of the sort of dress I would have loved a few months back," Becky smiles wistfully. I wasn't planning to bring it up, but after that last sentence I'm not going to pass up the opportunity.

"If I ask you something, will you promise to not take it personally?"

"Of course. Go on." Becky holds her long ginger hair up so that I can tie up the back of her dress without any of it getting caught.

"Are you okay? I mean, you're just acting a bit differently now."

"Too tight!"

"Oops, sorry," I apologise, loosening the dress slightly.

"Thanks, that's better. In answer to your question though, I'm fine. Honestly. I'm just moving on and you know, people change," she explains, running her fingers through her hair.

"I know that," I accept quietly.

"I'll always be your Becky, right?"

"Right," I grin. I stand next to her and we look into the selection of mirrors. Her dress is white with a sparkling corset style bodice and it broadens out into a beautiful long skirt. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you. I should listen to you more often; this dress is perfect. Just... perfect," Becky comments with teary eyes. "These are happy tears, I promise."

"Aw, Becky!"

We hug and I'm happy to say that she hasn't changed her hug; it's still too tight and I feel like my insides are being squeezed.

"Come on, let's show the others," I suggest as we pull apart.

"Sure, let's go," she agrees, wiping her eyes dry.

We swan back to the rest of the girls and take in the wide, natural smiles that spread across their faces as they see Becky's dress.

"It's perfect," Molly exclaims. We gather around Becky in front of the mirror.

"You know, that's exactly what I said literally a minute ago. Didn't I, Alex?" Becky exclaims.

"You sure did."

"Alex, forget physics; you should be a personal shopper," Nadia chuckles. We all laugh and I know that choosing this dress for her was the right thing to do.

"This is the one! It's so _you_," Tasha says.

"Yeah, it really is. This just feels right, you know?"

"Yeah, we do," Molly and I reply in unison. We catch each other's eye and smile almost shyly.

"Ooh, sometime we need to go shopping for your bridesmaids dresses," Becky remembers, fiddling with her hair. "What kind of dresses would you guys think? The colour scheme we have in mind at the moment is peach, but we're happy to consider others if you want."

"No, peach sounds lovely. And as long as they don't look like the ones in that film _27 Dresses_, I'll be content," I smile.

"Oh God, I promise they won't be anything like those! Do you remember the massive yellow and orange ball gown and matching parasol?"

"Totally! And the freaky gothic one with the spikey collar," Nadia grins.

"Oh and the weird blue cowboy outfit," Tasha giggles.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, how are we forgetting the bright pink dress with sparkly yellow frills?" I point out.

We dissolve into giggles like fourteen year old schoolgirls. When we all calm down, Becky speaks again.

"I can't believe this is happening. I'm getting married," she cries breathlessly.

"I know right, you're so grown up now!" Molly says and Becky rolls her eyes.

"You sound like my mom."

"Hey!"

"Do you think you'll be a mom someday?" Tasha asks abruptly as Becky beckons Susannah over, presumably to buy the dress. I'm a little taken aback, but Becky seems unfazed.

"Well, I want to focus on my career right now. But sure, someday I'd love to have kids," she smiles. "If I had a girl, I could name them after you, Alex. Or a boy, actually."

"I'd be honoured!" I say honestly.

"If it was a boy, she could name it Leonard," Nadia suggests, raising her dark eyebrows. Susannah and Becky are deep in conversation about veils and tiaras.

"Not Lionel then?" Molly grins.

"Definitely not Lionel," I agree, drinking the last dregs of my champagne.

Now I wish that I hadn't lied about Leonard being single. I thought at the time that Becky would soon forget about it, but obviously now she's told everyone. It would be so much easier if I had just been honest and said that he's with Penny. But would they judge me for hitting on him when he already has a girlfriend? I know they're my friends, but would they forgive me? I glance around at Tasha, Molly, Nadia and of course Becky. I decide to keep it from them. It's not worth the risk of losing my friends.

* * *

Half an hour later, we've just left the wedding boutique. Because they need to do some adjustments, Becky had to leave her dress there until next week, much to her dismay.

"A beach wedding would be so beautiful, 'specially as you're getting married in the summer," Molly says dreamily.

"I know, but Josh has a big city wedding in mind. You know, in an exclusive hotel," Becky sighs.

"Sounds a little like my Auntie Alison's wedding. You could compromise and get married in a beach hotel," I suggest with a grin.

"Talking of closer plans, where shall we have dinner tonight?" Tasha asks.

"Let's eat out for a change."

"What about the Cheesecake Factory? I haven't been there in forever."

"Oh no. It's Tuesday; my boss will there. Dr Cooper will be there being, well, Dr Cooper, Leonard will be there with Penny and Dr Koothrappali will be there not talking to me and looking like a frightened rabbit as soon as he sees me," I explain.

"Who's Penny?"

"Oh, um, she works with Leonard. In a way. They're working on a five year experiment together," I answer shakily. Why did I say about Penny?

"Really? You haven't mentioned her before," Becky comments, puzzled.

"Yeah, well, she's his friend too," I add.

"You guys go ahead, we'll catch up," Tasha tells the rest of them. As they agree and carry on, she turns to me. "Alex, is there anything else we should know about Leonard and Penny?"

"No, no, nothing like that," I say, shaking my head.

"Come on, I won't tell the others."

"Promise?"

"Promise," Tasha agrees.

"Okay. They've been dating for a while and I only just found out about it," I admit. "That's why we haven't got together."

"Ugh, that's awful. I'm sorry. That is kind of complicated," she comforts.

I feel bad for lying even more, but I just couldn't tell her the reality. I know I'm doing the right thing by not 'stealing' Leonard however I did hit on him first.

"Don't worry about it, it's hardly your fault," I say.

"No, but it must have hurt to find out he's with someone. But hey, I'm proud of you for not flirting with him anyway, like some skanks would've done!"

"Yeah," I agree simply. Am I a skank? Penny probably thinks so. I don't think I am, I mean I'm not getting in the way of their relationship anymore. I didn't make a 'sexual advance' on Leonard, like Dr Cooper said. Today with the girls I haven't thought about him too much. Still, it's hard to go home every night to an empty apartment when I know that there's someone out there perfect for me. I can get through it because I know that we'll be together in the end.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: This story is following a different storyline to The Recordings Discovery, so this will go a different route to that.**

**Bonus: A imaginary chocolate cupcake will be telepathically given to anyone who gets the **_**Easy A **_**reference hidden in this chapter. I'll reveal what it is in the author's note of the next chapter. Good luck!**

As I straighten my hair ready for a night out with Nadia and Tasha, I hear a familiar beeping tune and I sit down in front of my laptop. It's been a little while since someone has called me through Skype and I see on the screen that the call is from my parents. I click the green call button and my Mom comes up on the screen, sitting on the sofa in the living room.

"Hey Mom, this is a nice surprise," I smile. My Dad hurries in to sit next to her and Mom gives him a 'you're late' look. "Oh, hi Dad."

"How are you, honey?" She asks me. For some reason, I feel like a child again.

"I'm great," I lie with a fake smile. I feel like I'm using my very believable fake smile a lot now.

"Have you been holding up okay, honestly?" Mom questions further. She has always seen right through me.

"Yeah, I have. Living on my own is kinda different to living with Becky, but I getting used to it."

"She was a nice girl," Dad smiles approvingly.

"Mm, we're still friends though. Like, she doesn't often come with us and the girls when we go for nights out. But we still hang out," I explain. Fortunately, I didn't have to lie at all. Me and the girls _have _been going out at night more.

My parents share a look and she gives Dad a nod.

"Now you mention it, sweetheart, goodness knows the nightlife in LA. It's easy for a young girl to get caught up in it all," he tells me.

"I'm not a kid anymore."

"We know that. But, what your dad is trying to say in his own roundabout way, is... is your drinking becoming a problem, honey?"

Taken aback, I glance at the empty glass that used to hold wine, next to my laptop.

"No, definitely not," I answer. I know my drinking is not a serious issue, but I'm drinking much more than I used to. "I'm just coming out of my shell a little."

"Well, we're glad you're getting back with your friends again. We heard you were feeling lonely and alcohol isn't a solution, right?" Mom looks at me worriedly.

"Right. I guess I have drunk a little more, but you've got no reason to worry," I respond.

"We're trying to trust you. You've always been a sensible girl and you're too smart to act like that," Dad adds.

"Wait, where did you get the drinking thing from?" I ask. I definitely haven't mentioned it to them.

"Please don't be mad at her, Alex, but your cousin Brittany has been concerned about you. Apparently you went out, drunk, two nights in a row last weekend? One of them was a Sunday?"

Brittany? I thought I could trust her and I've been telling her almost everything since around the time I met Leonard. I'm not angry, but I'm upset at her for telling on me to my Mom. God, I sound like I'm five.

And last weekend. On Monday morning I was piling on concealer over my foundation to hide the rings under my eyes and my weirdly pale skin from the night before. I looked awful, but luckily I didn't see Leonard that day. I ignore Mom's question about it.

"Brittany? She's got the wrong idea about me, and then she goes and tells everyone about it behind my back," I fume. So much for not being mad at her.

"Alex, don't blame her for telling us. She came round this morning in a right state, tears and everything, and she hasn't told anyone else. She has good intentions," Dad explains, a bit flustered.

"I guess you're right," I agree bitterly, annoyance still creeping into my voice. But 'tears'? Brittany was crying about me?

"While we're on the subject, Brittany mentioned something else," Dad starts, nodding at my Mom to take over. My Mom is better at talking about feelings.

"She says that there's something going on between you and Dr Cooper's roommate, Leonard?"

"Leonard? Well, sort of."

I want to fill my wine glass up again, but after just discussing my relationship with drink I choose not to.

"It's lovely that you have met someone who is so kind and caring, but she also told me that he has a girlfriend. A serious one too, they've been going out for four years," Mom tells me, smoothing down her skirt.

"Five years," I correct automatically. Why do I do these things?

"Even worse. Brittany says that you've hit on him, despite his girlfriend still being in the picture. And you might be breaking up a perfectly happy relationship. No judgement, but you're acting like a skank," she continues.

"Mom!"

"A high-end skank, for governors and athletes," Dad adds.

I slam the laptop lid down. After all I've been through trying to wait until Leonard is ready, I'm treated like that anyway? I fill my glass with red wine, spilling a little on the coffee table. What's the point? I miss him so much. I drink as I continue to straighten my hair. 'You're too smart to act like this' my Dad had told me. I'm not completely out of control, but I know I need to pull myself together. I'm not like this, this isn't me.

I put my glass down and wonder where to go from here. I'm not happy here right now and I want to get away from it all. Maybe I should go back to Iowa for a few days, stay with my parents? I look at my tiny, lonely apartment. When I went home for Christmas, I was so happy there that I really didn't want to come home. Should I go back to Iowa for more than a few days?

* * *

I'm standing in Dr Cooper's office, looking through some papers. Honestly, the paperwork with my boss is never ending.

"Ah, Alex, excellent," Dr Cooper remarks, coming back into the room with a cup of tea. "I have a research problem that I believe you can help with."

"Oh, Dr Cooper, thank you. I've been waiting for an opportunity to contribute to your scientific work," I exclaim breathlessly.

"Oh, no, no. That's not going to happen. No, what I need you to do is find a Valentine's gift for my girlfriend," he tells me. My face falls.

"You realize I passed up an opportunity to work at Fermilab to take this job with you?"

"Well, I guess those chaps will have to have someone else buy their girlfriends presents," Dr Cooper comments, pulling money out of his pocket. My eyes widen as I see how much he is stacking up on his desk. "Now, here is, let's see, this is, this is about two thousand dollars, um, I think she likes monkeys and the colour grey."

Nodding, I carry the money out of the room. My job definitely isn't keeping me here, what is? I smile as I walk down the University steps. That's right; Leonard.

* * *

I read down Amy's Facebook page. I'm glad I checked here, it shows her interests and now I have more to go on than monkeys and the colour grey! As I scroll down, I can't help being distracted by the Skype call yesterday. Worriedly, I pick up my phone and call Tasha.

"Hey, Tasha!"

"Hi Alex! What's up?"

"Well, right now I'm looking for a valentine's day present for Dr Cooper's girlfriend," I say, putting her on speaker-phone. I start writing down Amy's interests in a red notebook.

"What? You're meant to be helping with his scientific work," she points out incredulously.

"Someone should tell _him_ that. So he shoved two thousand dollars into my hand and then said Amy likes the colour grey and monkeys. What was I meant to do with that?"

"For once, Molly's right. Dr Cooper is a freak," Tasha agrees.

"I know right? So, I'm checking her Facebook page to see what else she likes. So far, I've got; playing the harp, the Canterbury Tales, science and that she's a neurobiologist," I list, counting them out on my fingers.

"Well, that's better than an animal and a colour!" She goes quiet for a second and then says,"I have a feeling that you didn't call me to tell me that Amy likes playing the harp."

"Why are you always right?"

"Just call me Sherlock."

Even though I can't see her, I can tell that she's grinning.

"Alright then, Sherlock, Mom and Dad Skyped me yesterday and they are really worried about me. Brittany- wait, you've met Brittany, right?"

"Yeah, she came to visit you for a few days, last Summer."

"Oh God, yeah. I remember now. Anyway, she went round to my parents and said that she's worrying about my drinking. Do you think it's a problem? I mean, I don't, but what about you?"

"Well, it's not a problem by normal standards, but you've started drinking pretty quickly. Like it's all happening at once rather than the odd glass, which you've never been like," Tasha answers seriously. "You're nowhere near being an alcoholic or anything, if that's what you're asking."

"Okay, that's good to know," I say quietly.

"Oh God, you didn't think you were an alcoholic, did you?" She asks, chuckling a little.

"No, no, no. I just wanted to know what you think, Tasha," I explain. I fiddle with my waistcoat buttons and mentally prepare myself for what I'm about to say next. "The thing is, I'm thinking about going back to Des Moines."

"Sure, Iowa always makes you feel better. How long for?"

"Well, I don't know yet. Maybe a few months, maybe more."

"What? I thought you meant for a couple of weeks! Oh my God, Alex, are you doing this because of a few too many bottles of red? 'Cause if you are, this a major overreaction!"

"No, that's not it."

"Well, what_ is it_ then?"

"Everything; this ridiculous job with Dr Cooper and I've missed the opportunity at Fermilab so that I can buy his girlfriend a stupid present. I can't seem to get the balance between going out too much and overdoing it, to being lonely and feeling like I'm losing everyone. Oh, and my Mom thinks I'm acting like a skank. Yeah she actually said that exactly. Talking of that, it's killing me that Leonard's still with Penny, I was sure that they would've broken up by now, but Dr Cooper hasn't mentioned anything about them going through another rough patch. I'm just about paying the bills and I can't ask for a pay rise. I've started to feel like this since I was there at Christmas. I want to go back home and get my head together."

I let it all out. I haven't told anyone else all that, and it feels nice for it to be out of my system. I realise that just then was the first time in a long time that I've called Des Moines my home.

The line goes quiet.

"I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"Don't be sorry, you've been a really good friend through this."

"I'll support you whatever you wanna do, Alex," Tasha replies.

"Thank you. I think a couple of months away will help me out, but only a couple of months. I'll come back here, definitely." _For Leonard_, I add silently.

* * *

Today is a day that I have not been looking forward to. Not at all. I know there are millions of people out there that are single on Valentine's Day as well as me, but that hasn't made me feel any better so far. Knowing that Leonard and Penny are still together, their apartment block is the last place I want to be, but here I am sitting in apartment 4A. I have told my parents about going to Des Moines and although it was awkward at first because of that Skype chat, I think by the time I go there we'll be back to normal. I was fine when I was in Dr Cooper's office earlier today, his room is like an oasis from all the hearts and flowers but being in Leonard's apartment is like someone stabbing me in the heart.

"Okay. Amy will be here shortly, expecting the perfect Valentine's gift, so, you're up kid," Dr Cooper says, sitting down on the sofa. "Dazzle me. Go!"

"Okay, I think I have some really great choices. I went on Amy's Facebook page and read up on her interests," I tell him.

"Now, see, I never would have thought to do that. Clearly, I made a good choice farming this out to you. But I am telling you, Amy hit the boyfriend jackpot. Anyway, my socks are on; let's knock them off."

"Well, um, I know she loves playing the harp, so I found this beautiful music box that plays one of her favourite songs," I respond, putting the harp shaped music box on the table. It's beautifully made and so delicate that I'm sure Amy would love it.

"Now, Amy already has a real harp and it can play any song. What are you trying to pull here?"

"No, I just thought it would be…" I start, confused by his reaction.

"Next."

"Okay. Um, I know she's a fan of The Canterbury Tales."

"Mmm."

"So I found this cool map that illustrates the characters' journey through England. I thought we could put it in a really nice frame," I explain animatedly. I show him the map, rolled up in an elegant scroll.

"But she's got Google Maps on her phone," Dr Cooper points out. I stare at him, wondering what goes on in that warped mind of his.

"I don't know how to respond to that," I say finally.

"Well, I hope it's with a third good option, because these first two, _bleurgh_."

"Okay. Well, uh, luckily, I saved the best for last. Since Amy's a neuroscientist, I did some research and found out that Santiago Ramon y Cajal, the father of modern neuroscience, did lots of hand drawings of brain cells. And I managed to find this signed print," I tell him eagerly.

"Wow. Oh, this is truly remarkable," he comments, his eyes wide with almost child-like delight.

"Thank you," I smile proudly.

"I think I'll keep it for myself," he replies smugly, picking up the print.

"What about your girlfriend?"

"It's too late. I call dibs."

I watch him as he finds a place to hang the framed print. I decide not to tell him that I'm going. Not yet, anyway. Maybe all I need is a week or two?

* * *

As I climb down the tedious flights of stairs in Dr Cooper's apartment block, My phone buzzes in my jeans pocket and I see that Leonard has texted me. Leonard! Leonard? We haven't contacted each other for weeks, and out of the blue he just texts me? I open the message immediately.

**Hey Alex. Being so innocent, I didn't realise what you were doing, but now I know you wanted more than a cup of coffee with me. I'm with Penny and even if I wasn't, nothing's gonna happen between us. Stay away from me.**

I sink down on the side of a step and lean myself against the wall, my hand shaking as I hold the phone. My mind goes numb. I read it over and over, as though I'm in denial that this is happening. I got it all wrong. Everything. These last few months of struggling through have been a waste of time.

Eavesdropping as he played his cello and sung.

Being desperate to see him at lunch.

Running after him to get his number.

Being catty to him about Penny.

Choosing an outfit that I thought would impress him. Like a ten year old schoolgirl would.

Being brave enough to ask him out.

Shocking him so much that he lost that game of Giant Jenga.

Listening to him turn me down.

Waiting for days for him to respond to my text.

Waiting for him to be ready.

Waiting for something that's never going to happen.

I feel ice-cold, so cold that goose bumps are covering my skin. I slide my phone back into my jeans and rest my head against the wall. I don't cry, just feel the emptiness fill my insides. It's too quiet in here.

I hear a voice upstairs that I don't recognise. I realise that I should probably get going, before I pass Leonard or Penny. Or anyone. I stagger to my feet and force myself to walk down the stairs. I barely notice the drive home.

What feels like many hours later, I'm unlocking my apartment door. I close the door firmly behind me and grab a bottle of wine from the fridge. The idea of everything being hazy now seems so appealing. I don't want to get drunk as such, just numb the pain. I drink until the edges of everything are sort of fuzzy, but then there's a sharp knock on the door cuts through the blur. Leaving my glass on the kitchen worktop, I open the door to see Amy, Dr Cooper's girlfriend. I recognise her from her Facebook profile, although on that she was wearing as much make-up as she was when she tried to video call Dr Cooper at the office.

"Oh, hello Amy," I say, surprised.

"Alexandra Jensen, I've got a bone to pick with you!" She practically shouts.

"Look, I'm really not in the mood for this," I tell her tiredly.

"You should have thought about that before trying to steal someone else's boyfriend," Amy remarks. She looks way too excited to be intimidating.

"What?"

"I am aware that my reaction may seem delayed, which I suppose it is, but I'm here on behalf of my bestie. I thought she was over it, however she revealed to me that she was still worried about it. So, here I am. Fighting for justice," she explains, with a wide smile that looks completely out of place with what she's just said.

"Look, Amy..." I start, exasperated.

"I don't have time for excuses! Straight after this, I'm going to celebrate Valentine's Day with my incredibly gifted boyfriend," she interrupts.

"Well, happy Valentine's Day," I say with an attempted smile, closing the door.

"Oh, no! You're not getting away that easily!"

She uses her black handbag to stop the door and with a sigh, I open it back up.

"Fine."

"Surely your moral compass is telling you to steer clear of Penny's..."

"If you think I'm just gonna stand here and listen to this, you're wrong!" The alcohol is kicking in now and I hardly want to talk about Leonard. "Me and Leonard aren't happening, and besides, I'm leaving!"

It's Amy's turn to look confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm planning to tell my boss tomorrow; I'm leaving. For good."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: As you might have worked out, the Easy A reference was 'no judgement, but you're acting like a skank', followed by 'a high-end skank, for governors and athletes'. Well done to those who knew it!**

**Oh, and Leonard and Penny's valentine's dinner in this story goes the same as in the show, except for afterwards (like when she has to propose to him) which will be explained in this story.**

It's the day after Valentine 's Day and I'm preparing for the second worst thing about leaving LA; having to break the news to Dr Cooper that his 'slave' is not going to wait on him hand and foot anymore. Of course, every time he asks me to do something ridiculous like the morning office spider check (don't ask), I fantasise about shouting what I really think about him and walking out for good. However, now it's really happening I'm just going to be polite and explain the situation as calmly as I can. I don't bother knocking anymore, so I just walk into his office.

"Ah, Alex, just the humble servant I was looking for. The mockingbird seems to be ignoring the singing lesson you gave him last week, and is once again singing completely different notes to the wind chime outside," Dr Cooper tells me, facing the window and gesturing outside.

"Mm, well the mockingbird is gonna have to get a new music teacher," I respond as I sit down. He briefly turns to me looking mildly puzzled.

"How so?"

"There's something I have to tell you," I start. "I'm moving back to Des Moines."

"How long for? You'll have a lot of my sleep recordings to catch up on, eight hours per night which is 56 a week and- wait, what am I saying? I can send you the recordings from my laptop for the duration of your stay..." Dr Cooper rambles.

"No, Dr Cooper I'm not coming back to LA, or this job. I quit."

"Don't be ridiculous, you can't quit," he chuckles with his strange, breathy laugh.

"Why ever not?"

That got his attention. Dr Cooper spins around and gives me a glassy stare.

"Because..." he trails off. He stops and looks around, for inspiration I suppose.

"Because?" I prompt, tilting my head with a smirk.

"Because you wouldn't do that to me!"

For some weird reason, I feel like I'm breaking up with him. I realise that he's never been broken up with before and probably wouldn't notice if I use as many clichés as possible.

"Dr Cooper, we need to talk," I say carefully as he sits down opposite to me. "It's not you it's me; I just need to focus on my career right now."

"This is your career," he points out sulkily.

"My ideal career isn't teaching a mockingbird which notes he should be singing, or listening to you muttering in your sleep," I argue. "Anyway, I need some space. I'm not ready for all this, I'm sorry."

"Do you think you'll ever be ready?"

I shake my head.

"I see."

"I hope we can still be... acquaintances," I offer.

"As you wish," Dr Cooper sighs heavily. He opens his top desk drawer and rummages around, before handing me a small amount of money. "Here is your final salary, close the door behind you."

"Thank you."

I slide the dollars into my bag and make my way out.

"Wait!" I turn in the doorway and look back at Dr Cooper as he hurries up to me. "Is it because of him? We had a good thing going here, and you're leaving me because of him?"

"What?" This whole breakup analogy is getting out of hand.

"Dr Hofstadter, of course! FYI, last night he proposed to his girlfriend Penny..."

"No, no, I don't want to hear this," I cry childishly, waving my hands. I leave him looking confused in the doorway and rush down the corridor to Dr Kripke's office.

Luckily, Dr Kripke's not there. I shut the door behind me and fall back against it like I did in my apartment last night. The only way this situation could get any worse was for Leonard to get engaged and that's exactly what happened. I literally shake as though shaking out the distress out of my head and drag myself away from the door. Commitment-phobe Penny tying the knot? It was only a few months back that she told she loved him for the first time, and now she's making possibly the biggest commitment you can make to your boyfriend? It can't be right. But Dr Cooper finds it virtually impossible to lie without making it super-obvious, so could it be true?

I have to get out of here as soon as possible, but my legs don't seem to realise as they trudge rather than briskly walk. Slowly, I go to my little desk and gather my things together into an empty cardboard box that was by Dr Kripke's desk. I'm sure he won't mind. Besides, I have bigger things to worry about.

Penny Hofstadter. It sounds so wrong to me and I can't bear to think about it. Leonard looking effortlessly handsome in a smart black and white suit next to Penny in a white dress with flowers scattered in her beautiful blonde hair, confetti raining over them as they walk into the sunshine. My breaths become shallow and quick with stress at the thought.

I close my eyes and pull myself together. I'll be away from all this soon and I can forget this ever happened. All of it. It's not much comfort, but I feel my heartbeat slow back to normal and my breathing does the same. To distract myself further, I carry on packing and take a picture frame off the wall.

It's a photograph of Molly, Nadia, Becky and I on the night that I found out I had got the job here. I look at myself and see the brightness in my eyes. I really had no idea what kind of job I was getting. Back then, I thought that I was going to be helping with research for significant theories and working closely with an accomplished physicist. I suppose the last part was true, but the only research I have done was about Dr Cooper's girlfriend, Amy, when I bought a present for her yesterday. I wonder what he got for her in the end. The signed print of a brain cell went down very well, but Dr Cooper kept that for himself.

In the photograph, I look so excited about my future. My friends thought it were just about the job, which it partly was, but it was also about the bespectacled physicist I met that day. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend, never mind a girlfriend he'd been with for five years. I remember that he's engaged now. My life seems to be a string of weddings at the moment. None of them are mine.

So much for distracting me, photograph.

I pack the rest of the box and fill it to the brim with stationary and general clutter (where do all the random things come from?).

"Oh, Dr Kripke," I gasp as he comes in and grabs a folder off his desk.

"No need to be surpwised, this is my office. I work hewe, wemember? Unwike you now."

"I know. Half an hour or so and I'll be off. Oh, can I borrow this box, please?" I ask.

"Awe you bwinging it back?"

"Umm... probably not."

"Then you'we having it, not bowowing it," Dr Kripke points out as he searches through the folder.

"Fine. Please can I have it?"

"Well... I don't know... I use it all the time..." Dr Kripke teases, pretending to think long and hard about it.

"It's been here ever since I started and you haven't used it once."

"Alwight then, it's yours."

"Thank you."

Folder in hand, he walks out and leaves the door open. I can't help wanting the room all to myself as I'm going to freak out again any minute. With the door open I feel weirdly exposed as I look deeply into the photograph.

"Finally seen the light, huh?"

I look over to see Leonard wandering in, looking even more casually gorgeous than usual. I wish I could see if he's wearing an engagement ring, but his hands are deep in his denim pockets. Besides, not all guys wear engagement and wedding rings even if they have reason to.

"You're not making it easy for me to stay away from you," I tell him sharply. The text he sent me is still fresh in my mind. Too fresh to just toss the meaning of it away.

"What are you talking about?"

I slide the photograph into the box and pick the whole thing up.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"No, I really don't," Leonard claims helplessly. He has a look like a lost puppy and his eyes implore me to calm down and forget about whatever's happened.

"Lying won't get you very far, Leonard."

I tear my eyes away from him and march out carrying my box. It takes everything I have to keep walking away from him. I don't understand how he could send a message as cruel as the one he sent me and then just act like it never happened. But it did happen, and the words are still imprinted on me like they are written on my forehead on indelible ink. I never thought Leonard would be as harsh as that, but I thought many things that turned out to be wrong; Becky would never change, this job was perfect and that Molly and I would be friends forever. My thoughts don't have much credibility.

"Hi Awex. Wong time no see," Dr Kripke quips as we pass each other in the corridor.

"Hey. So this is it now, I'm quite literally on my way out."

"Oh, wow. Well good wuck on... what are you gonna do in Des Moines?"

"Honestly? I don't know," I admit.

"Winging it, I wike your style. Good wuck on 'I don't know'."

"Thanks. Goodbye!"

"See you never!"

Despite everything, a small smile creeps across my face at 'see you never'. Dr Kripke's a nice guy, deep down. He has good intentions.

I take one last look at the University. I stand quietly and admire it, but I still don't feel at peace. Turning myself away, I decide that I can't stay around here any longer. I walk away and don't look back.

* * *

Sure enough, that very night I'm driving away. I'm getting a flight but I haven't booked it because I didn't think I would be going this quickly. It's all last minute. I spent rest of the day packing and I'll probably get my furniture sent over soon. Nothing is definite at this point.

I'm alone out here. Not just in the car, but on the whole road. It's a single-track road and suddenly I feel a little frightened. There's no sign of anyone anywhere and there's so many twists and turns that I feel a bit freaked out every time I turn a corner.

I drive down another country road as the darkness closes in. I haven't been drinking, but I feel so dazed and the only thing clear is that I have to get away.

About fifteen minutes later, my phone goes off with its classic telephone ringtone to say I've got a text. Keeping my eye on the road as much as I can, I quickly read the text.

**Alex, can you pull over? I'm behind you.**

It's from an unknown number.

What do I do? I peer nervously into the rear-view mirror and see a pair of headlights glinting at me. Hands shaking on the steering wheel, the road opens out from the thick trees in a grassy hill to the left. If I going to pull over, now's the right time.

Heart pounding, I park my car at the side of the hill. There's no fence or hedge and the silver car behind me pulls up after me. Goosebumps cover my skin as I climb out of my car.

"Leonard?"

I can see it's him as he walks towards me from his car. He looks stressed and troubled, his dark hair messy from his hands running through it.

After everything that's happened, is he just trying to harass me more?

"You know I just texted you," Leonard points out as I give him a confused look.

"I didn't know it was you, I'd deleted your number," I admit. Irritation creeps back in. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you were just leaving your job, but while we were eating Sheldon mentioned that you were going back to Iowa. I abandoned my take-out and came to find you."

"Why? You've made it quite clear that nothing's gonna happen between us," I remind him sharply. Speaking to him like this, it feels like there's a huge weight on my shoulders.

Leonard sighs deeply.

"Again, what are you talking about? Not to complain, but it took me hours to find you and this wasn't the response I was hoping for."

"This," I answer, holding him my phone. I scroll down into my inbox. "I know it now says that it's from an unknown number, but that's only because I deleted your number and-"

"It's okay, I believe you."

I find the text and show him.

**Hey Alex. Being so innocent, I didn't realise what you were doing, but now I know you wanted more than a cup of coffee with me. I'm with Penny and even if I wasn't, nothing's gonna happen between us. Stay away from me.**

"I didn't send that text."

I fall silent and avoid his gaze.

"Seriously, that's not from me."

I turn my phone off.

"Alex, I promise I didn't," Leonard tells me, putting my hand on my arm. I look up and nod, his eyes are so easy to read that I trust he's telling the truth.

"Okay," I accept slowly. What do you think happened, someone used your phone behind your back?"

"I guess so, that seems the most likely option," he agrees. "But who would do that?"

The physicist looks at me innocently. He has no idea.

"I think it was Penny," I say quietly.

"Why would she do that? She says she's not insecure about the little love triangle thing between the three of us."

"Look, I don't want to sound catty but I don't trust Penny. Not at all."

"She has a mean streak. Even I don't know how much to trust her at times," Leonard sighs, sitting down on the grass about half way up the hill.

"You should be able to, she's your fiancée," I snort, sitting next to him.

"Whoa, what?"

"Dr Cooper told me you proposed to her last night. On valentine's day," I explain slowly. I still feel sore from finding out and being alone with him in the dark is so overwhelming.

"No! Kind of... well... uh..."

"Sorry, how do you 'kind of' propose to someone?"

"I did begin to propose, but..." Leonard starts. "I'll tell you the whole story, that'll be easier."

"Go on," I allow.

"It all started off last Monday. Penny and I were having dinner together at her place."

"Did she present you the menu first?" I joke.

"Funnily enough, no," Leonard chuckles. God, how I've missed that chuckle. "So, I asked her if she had Valentine's Day night off work and she said she thought so. Then, she asked me why. And I was like 'what do you mean, why? It's valentine's day!', but she just shrugged it off. Penny said there's so much pressure for it to be great and it never is. So, I decided to show her just how special it can be."

"Ooh, go Leonard!" I grin, punching the air. He's wearing one of his best goofy smiles.

"So I found this beautiful Italian restaurant and booked a table for us, oh and Howard and Bernadette came as well so it was like a double date. We all got dressed up for it and everything, I bought a brand new suit for the occasion even though I _hate_ clothes shopping. I do it as little as I can because it takes too long and I'm too short for most of the stuff so I have to spend ages looking in 'petite' ranges and oh, it's just sucks."

"Just to clarify, you're not a fan of clothes shopping?"

"You could say that! Anyway, I was all excited and Penny was in a surprisingly good mood when I met at her door. She loved the atmosphere of the restaurant and I just thought, you know, maybe this date will work out well," Leonard continues.

"Maybe?"

"We have a terrible track record for bad dates. Usually they start off well and then it all falls to pieces. This date started to crumble when Penny spotted this guy she used to date, but they split up after he cheated on her. And the girl he had had an affair with had been Penny's friend at the time."

"That's awful," I comment honestly.

"I know. The worst part is that both of them were on a date in the same restaurant as us. I tried to carry on with our night, but she was obviously still bitter about it. She made me feel like she'd rather be with him than me. Penny kept being catty about her..."

I feel a twinge of guilt as I remember the catty joke I made about her.

"... And as soon as she seemed to be letting things go, he proposed to her. She said yes and... Oh, I can't," Leonard falters. Dejectedly, he massages his forehead with his right hand.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tell him softly.

"I was so desperate to please her, my mother would probably say that because I couldn't impress her, I've always been so desperate to impress women, that... I just automatically thought I could save the night by proposing. I started to get down on one knee and she just said 'get up' and so I did. We ended up fighting because she said I was 'making this about me' and I flipped and said that this Valentine's Day sucked and she was the reason why. Everyone was staring at us 'cause Penny was practically shouting at me and I left. Well, we left."

Leonard avoids my eye contact and looks down at his black Converse and the grass.

"We weren't speaking all the way home, until we got to our apartments. Years ago, I would have just let her go back and I'd worry all night, but this time I followed her home. We kept fighting, no bigger deal than usual, until we got really fired up and... well, _you know_."

"No, I don't?"

"You're so innocent," Leonard remarks, smiling wistfully as I blush. If he knew about the drinking, he would probably have a very different opinion. "I slept with her and the next morning, which was this morning of course, she seemed to have forgotten about the whole restaurant thing. I mean, she didn't say anything about it."

"But that's a good thing that she dropped the subject, right?"

"I don't know. I tried my best to create a special night for her and she went out of her way to destroy it, and then she's practically forgotten about it the next morning," Leonard sighs, facing me again.

"The part that I don't get is that you started to propose to her and she didn't make a big deal out of it," I add.

"Well, that's not the first time I've proposed," he confesses. Leonard looks at me carefully and then asks, "Before I go into all that, would you like to borrow my jacket?"

"Oh, thank you," I smile as I put on his familiar-looking cream coloured jacket. The night is getting colder now and I tug it in closer around me. "Go on, we got to the multiple proposals part."

"Yeah, it's great to have someone who listens for once. Right, last year I asked her to marry me while we were... um..."

"While you were _you know_?"

"Exactly. I've proposed a couple of times since, but I don't know if I completely want us get married," Leonard admits.

"Not to sound harsh, I know these things aren't easy, but why do you keep asking her to marry you if you're confused about your feelings?" I question.

"I keep asking myself that. The thing is, oh, I don't know how to explain this. I haven't told anyone all this before," he replies nervously.

"There's no rush, Leonard."

"I know that," Leonard agrees unsteadily. He breathes out deeply. "How about this; have you ever thought that you knew the way to a happily ever after? That if you did something or something in particular happened, you could have a happily ever after and it would just be... the ideal situation?"

"Yes. Like starting my job with Dr Cooper, I thought everything would fit into place and... well, it seems that since the moment I asked about the job vacancy my whole life has fallen apart. But let's stick to your story," I tell him.

"Like that, but my situation has gone on for five years. Here goes, the day I met Penny I said (not to her face obviously) that our babies would be smart and beautiful. Intelligence from me and beauty from her. Ever since, I haven't been consciously thinking about that as such but I always thought my only way I would be happy was if I ended up with her, married with kids."

"Smart _and _beautiful kids."

"Yeah. So, that's why I keep asking her to marry me; to have that happily ever after and if she says yes, everything will be okay," Leonard finishes.

"What's changed?"

"Uh, nothing really. We still have great times together and not at all great times together, but this last six months I've been feeling different. I've been wondering that if most of the time we're together we're not speaking to each because of stupid arguments and getting along with her is often tricky, then how would it be living with her and trying to bring up our children when we struggle to have a night without almost breaking up?"

I feel a bit out of my depth here. The job problems and all that seem like not that much compared to Leonard's long term struggle.

"I can see that."

"Yeah? But then, just before Christmas she told me she loved me, for the very first time. Penny said it accidently while she was ranting at me about something or other, I can't remember, but it was still a beautiful moment. We both cried. You know, I think the only times I've seen her cry before that were about other boyfriends. When she said she loved me, it was like everything fitting into place, like I was on my way to my happily ever after. Of course, it doesn't work out like that and after Penny's shift we were having some petty fight over an assignment she'd been given at school; she didn't understand it but she wouldn't let me help or even read what it was. But for a moment, I thought it would all work out," Leonard explains.

"It must have been an incredible moment."

"It sure was. So although nothing has really changed, I don't know what I want anymore. Or quite why I'm here," Leonard summarises miserably, looking at our dark countryside surrounding as though noticing them for the first time.

"Why are you here? Why did you follow me as soon as Dr Cooper told you I was leaving?"

"If you're expecting me to give you a logical answer, I can't. But I just knew that I couldn't let you go. I've been thinking about you a lot," he tells me shyly. "Ugh, that last bit sounded like I'm fifteen again. But there's something here, Alex."

My heart leaps.

"What kind of a something?" I tease.

"You know what I mean," Leonard replies, blushing childishly. "Look at us, hanging out in the middle of nowhere at god knows what time, totally confused about why we're here in the first place. Except you're going back to Iowa, so you know what you're..."

"Actually, I don't know what I'm doing. I was meant to be going to Des Moines next week, but I was feeling so depressed that I had to leave tonight. I've got nothing planned out; I was gonna catch a flight but I haven't booked anything and my furniture is still at my apartment, I thought I could get it sent over or something. I don't even know what airport I was driving to, never mind if this is the right direction to Iowa," I explain sadly, running my fingers through my hair.

"Careful, you sound nearly as messed up as I am," Leonard smirks. "Hold on, why where you feeling so depressed in the first place?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, if that's okay. But I have a feeling that things are starting to pick up," I tell him softly.

He gives me a knowing look and we fall quiet for a bit. I become aware of how dark it is here and how tired I am. Leonard glances down at his watch, squinting behind his glasses to see the time.

"Sheldon will be wondering where I am, I'd better go," Leonard sighs. He looks over at me desperately. "If you see Penny, please don't tell her I was here with you. She'll go crazy if she knows I've stayed out half the night with a girl that hit on me."

I cringe as we stand up.

"I'm sorry, Leonard."

"Oh, I didn't mean to make you feel bad! I'm just saying that Penny won't understand. She'll jump to conclusions and not give it enough thought," Leonard explains as we walk down the hill together.

"I guess you're right," I agree. "Well, good night!"

"I'll see you around," he calls back, opening his car door.

Reluctantly, I go over to my car. I want us to stay just a little longer together, but I've already had him all to myself for a lot longer than usual and I'm grateful for that.

"Alex, come back with me," Leonard shouts, coming over to me. "I can't leave you like this, whatever was getting you so depressed won't have been sorted out tonight and I want to make sure you'll be okay."

"I'm fine," I assure, not knowing whether that's quite true or not.

"See, I don't think you are." Leonard shakes his head worriedly.

"When you say 'come back with me', what do you mean?" I question. "If we're not going to tell Penny about all this, then surely going back to your apartment wouldn't be a good idea?"

"I know, but I would be more than happy to drop you back at your apartment. In fact, I would like your company," he replies honestly.

"Oh, okay. That would be great, thanks," I accept willingly.

Leonard looks back at my car, on our way to his.

"How about tomorrow I drive you back and you can drive your car home? Otherwise, your car will be abandoned here," he suggests.

"Thank you, that sounds good."

We sit down in his car and I take a look around at everything, fascinated for no particular reason.

"Come on, let's go," Leonard beams.


End file.
